Happy Birthday Harish ! ( 20th Oct, 2008 )

I had one of the most "kickass" birthday parties ever ever ! A picture is worth a thousand words, so here is an essay of a few thousand words. Thank you, friends, for making it such a memorable and amazing experience. Special thanks to my roommates, Prasanth and Aditya, who are the bestest roommates one can have and to Jalaja "P" for having walked for 45 minutes to get my cake. Thank you, Shalini and Mehernaz for the amazingly tasty cake you made, which I devoured. Thank you Leela for the super sweet video you made for me. It totally made my day ! A big thanks for everyone who shared this wonderful day with me.







THANK YOU !

First Kiss

Love, time and perfection enjoyed a wonderful evening sipping tea and staring into huge rain bearing clouds. A small tear escaped her large doe eyes just before the downpour started. Time stood still, love was in the air and in the perfection of that moment, he held her gently, like a crumbling old letter from a college sweetheart and kissed her.

Notes to Self

There is absolutely no point in living a normal life. In fact, there is really no point in living, if you cannot be exceptional. Paraphrasing Rand, real happiness lies in realizing one's values. Do not live life being sheep ! Do not go with the flow. Work to be perfect, even if it is not required of you. True beauty, true niceness, love all have their basis in perfection. A sudden coming together of the forces we don't understand which in that "aha" moment reveal to us that there is more. Work to understand, challenge yourself. Do not settle in a comfort zone. When you are satisfied, you never progress. Put pressure on yourself. Push yourself to your limits, physically, mentally and emotionally. Love will find you slowly with time. You will find love. Love is an integral part in the pursuit of perfection. There is no perfection without love and there is no love without perfection.

Warholed (Raised Eyebrow)

Art !

If I should specify one reason, only one strong reason, as to why I want to be rich, it would be because I want to be able to buy beautiful things. Before you start off on what a pervert I am, I am talking about art. The beauty of art lies in the fact that it can mean so many things to so many people. The true artist is one who captures these emotions, these Oh-so-many feelings and packs them all into his work that us, as the artist's audience with our filters, still catch a glimpse of his genius. I had to pick 5 postcards (as they had an offer) and these are the ones I got.

1) Brian, the dog from Family guy.
2) Marlon Brando with his cat in the Godfather.
3) The sweet Audrey Hepburn - my goddess.
4) Cafe Terrace at Night by Vincent Van Gogh.
5) A Tweety Bird card for mom.

Cafe Terrace at Night by Van Gogh is one my most favourite paintings. It reminds me of those wonderful nights we went out for treats and returned back to our rooms content, full and happy; gazing at the stars on the long way back from the IIT main gate to the hostel. And so my first purchase for myself in America - a print of Cafe Terrace at Night.

Candlelight Contemplation

Postits

Jaane Woh Kaise - Pyaasa

I believe this blog, my little home on the web, is sort of a representation of myself. I have written about music here, but have not to date uploaded my voice. Well, here goes. :)

The song that I'll be singing today is one of those absolute pathos filled classics of S D Burman sir. His music has moved and will continue to influence generations of Hindi music lovers. The song is from the movie Pyaasa which by itself is another masterpiece by Guru Dutt. Ill provide a translation, though not literal, of what I feel about the meaning of the song.

The song : Jaane Woh Kaise
The movie : Pyaasa
Composer : S D Burman
Lyricist : Sahir Ludhianvi
Original Singer: Hemant Kumar

Please click on the widget to listen to me singing this song.

Jaane Woh Kaise_Py...

Jaane Woh Kaise Log The Jinke Pyar Ko Pyar Mila
Humne To Jab Kaliyaan Maangi Kaaton Ka Haar Mila

( I wonder how many people exist who have received love for their love.
When I asked for flowers, I received a garland of thorns )

Khushiyon Ki manzil Dhoondhi tho Gham Ki Gard Mili
Chaahat Ke nagme Chaahe tho Aahe Sard Mili
Dil Ke Bhoj Ko Dugna Kar Gaya Jo Gham haar mila
Humne To Jab Kaliyaan Maangi Kaanton Ka Haar Mila ..

( I searched for happiness and found sorrow
I wanted moments of longing and obtained pain
The weight in my heart has been doubled, I have faced such a plaintive defeat
When I asked for flowers, I received a garland of thorns .. )

Bichhad Gayaa Har Saathi Dekar Pal Do Pal Ka Saath
Kisko Phursat Hai Jo Thaame Deewanon Ka Haath
Humko Apna Saaya Tak Aqsar Bezaar Mila
Humne To Jab Kaliyaan Maangi, Kaanton Ka Haar Mila ..

(Every friend has left me after giving me company for a few moments 
Who has the time to comfort a lover ? 
Even my shadow seems apathetic to my state
When I asked for flowers, I received a garland of thorns .. )

Isko Hi Jeena Kehte Hain To Yunhi Ji Lenge
Uf Na Karenge Lab See Lenge Aansoo Pee Lenge
Gham Se Ab Ghabraana Kaisa Gham Sau Baar Mila
Humne To Jab...

( If this is what they call living, then we will live like this
We won't sigh, we will sew our lips together, we will drink our tears
I am no longer worried about sorrow, I have seen it a hundred times
When I asked for flowers, I received a garland of thorns .. )

Please do let me know if you liked it :)


PS: Discovered that the above version has some faults in the lyrics. The actual lyrics ( so as to do justice to Ludhianvi sahab ) can perhaps be found here.

The next Wolverine.

The Marriage

He stood at the corner of the room, in his coat and tie and neatly combed hair. His polished shoe, almost perfect, with just a small white smudge on the side; the wedding hall had just been renovated. His composure and smile were a perfect mask, impenetrable, perfected over years of restraint, years and years of wanting to do the right thing, and doing it. She was getting married today. He tried to hold back the contempt he felt towards the bridegroom, towards the scores of relatives, some whom he knew some whom he did not, contempt towards his friends and hers, who were talking about the most pointless of matters, contempt towards the insect which was buzzing around the cameraman's light. Yet he stood there smiling. Like he should. Like what was expected of him. One more day, he thought. One more lifetime. He can take the beating.

3 years had passed since they first met. It was fantastic in the beginning. It always usually is. They talked for hours. They shared music. They complained about the sad state of affairs in the country and why it is impossible to make progress under a corrupt oligarchy. And then he had to leave. He had no choice but to. And a decision had to be made. It was not the most cordial parting but he knew he had to stop thinking about her. Ill not take you through the boring details of human stupidity. Most of us have experienced it and know what happens when one is frustrated, especially in matters of affection and reciprocation. He wanted a little bit more involvement from her and she was reluctant to concede even that little bit. And so they stopped talking and that was that.

Things were fine till he received that bloody wedding invitation. Perhaps, there is some profound truth in that statement in the Thomas Crown Affair - 'People do not realise what they have till its gone'. Well gone it was and realise he did. But he wanted to attend the wedding. He wanted to see her. He wanted to see if there was even one single scrap of feeling, a fleeting vestige of emotion. Something he could use to berate himself in that absolute self criticizing mood he sometimes got into. He knew he would not get it. She was blissful and happy. "Screw her", he thought but that was a thought he could not hold. His smile had slowly transformed into a smirk without his knowledge like how sometimes it is evening and suddenly it is night. He corrected himself and put his smile back on. It was difficult but it had to be done.

She was looking at him from the wedding platform. Her eyes were on him. "Did she see that?", he thought and quickly flashed a smile. "Congratulations", he whispered with exaggerated stress so that she could read his lips from where she was."Thank you", she whispered back as is customary and looked away. Some other friend had come to convey her bloody wishes. He was a masochist but he was not suicidal. So he dusted his shoes and having enjoyed enough of his share of mental torture walked away.

The Purse

"Where is my wallet?" I wondered. It should be safely nestled in the left pocket of my pants, but it isn't. Well, I am not sure sure it isn't there. I am just too lazy to get up from my berth to check. I don't want to be sure anyway. I would then have nothing to to worry about and my manic self-absorbed imagination which is usually my only friend, would start irritating me. So, I lay on my berth, pondering,whether my purse, my wonderful brown leather purse, with its boring contents, was actually in my pocket. "Was my purse really there?" My concentration was abruptly broken, my train of thought, derailed by a gentle tap on my shoulder."You dropped your purse", she smiled.In one masterstroke, she managed to dispel my worry and add my fiendish friend, my imagination to my already cramped berth.

I am ready

He sat on the wall and gazed at the sky. Flashes of lightning lit up random aggregations of cloud, moving too fast to care.The wind blew by callously, banging windows and doors. The trees bent one after the other, as if their master were walking on the long corridors of the hostel. And in all this tension, and movement and chaos, he sat there, lonely, on the wall, by the storm and smiled. He had finished his journey.It took him all of 5 years. He looked into the storm that was brewing, muttering to himself words that the wind would carry. 'I am ready'.

Alone

Late evening.. sunset
I drove towards the sea
the vehicles that passed by me
cast momentary shadows...
only momentary...

To Purdue - With joy and expectation

I am filled with pleasure and sweet exhilaration to inform you that I have been recommended for admission for a PhD at the School of Electrical and Computer Sciences Engineering at Purdue University, West Lafayette with Teaching Assistantship.

This feels like a dream come true. I just threw a stone in the dark, hoping it will hit something and I found a pot of gold ! I believe my decent scores in the GRE ( 1510 /1600 ) and TOEFL ( 116/120 ) helped me in obtaining the Teaching Assistantship. Well, what else can I say .. I am the man [:)] .

My first publication !

My haiku have been published in the World Haiku Review in the haiku of merit. My second literary achievement after the Saarang 2006 Creative Writing crack. I feel like blowing my own trumpet a little, so please don't mind :) . The link to the World Haiku Club's review of the conference I attended is given below.

Haiku of Merit at the WHC

Many haiku above are brilliant, especially the award winning haiku by Kameshwar - has a true Zen ring to it. All poets were asked to submit three haiku for consideration in the contest. I am glad that all the three haiku submitted by me have made it to the top 20 ! Here are the haiku that made it.

---------------------
still winter night
the wind chimes tinkle
as I close the door
-------------------------
constipated baby ~
after an hour in the toilet
a smile
-------------------------
large Gulmohar tree
I stop to see an iora
it flies away
---------------------

by Harish Suryanarayana [ All rights reserved ]

PS: An iora is a small yellow bird. Any comments on my work are welcome.

Her

How can I tell you about her
Being a mere mortal,
my senses are not enough
to take in the expanse of her beauty
Lost in her tousled black hair
for days and days
I search for salvation
And then a word from her
and I am lost again
in the sweetness of her voice
Why does she tease me like this ?
Like a fantastic poem,
every time I meet her
she is different, or is it me ?
And I spend all my time
trying to figure out her puzzles
imaginary problems with no solution
while she spends her days in bliss
Every night, before I sleep
I only hope she knows.
I only hope she knows.

Anguish

My confusion has become a joke
They are drawing their swords
Ready to swiftly finish me
Once I put down my armour
I am not normal
I am not ordinary
And I will not ever be
I loathe these words
I loathe what they make you
You are just like anyone else !
What can be further from the truth
When the mind wants to suffer
Needs to feel pain
It will invent its own excuses
And force you to sleep and cry.

-

two cycles only
in desolate cycle stand
leaning on each other

Harish Suryanarayana

Your smile

The pitter patter of everyday life,
a rainbow fills my heart,
as your lips part and you smile.

- Harish Suryanarayana

santa barbara, ca

santa barbara, ca
Originally uploaded by .Arun

Reminds me of the novel Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. It is a must read and one of my favourites. This moment has been captured ever so beautifully by Arun. The yellow hues are an all time favourite for me and Arun manages to get them perfect in this picture !

New Year Resolution Post

This year is going to be one fantastic rollercoaster ride ! Adrenalin all the way ! Atleast I hope so :|
So here are my totally unrealistic, hyperbolic aims for 2008.

1) Academics - One IEEE journal paper out of my final year dual degree project.
2) Music a) Be able to perform at least 10 songs on my out-of-the-world Yamaha PSR295 synthesizer.
3) Music b) Sing well enough to please my Carnatic music teacher mami. And practice everyday.
4) Mind Maintenance a) Write regularly and more importantly write well. Update blog regularly :)
5) Mind Maintenance b) Read at least one novel a month.
6) Body - Reduce the slowly growing spherical aberration in my abdominal area to a plane.
7) Sports - Play table-tennis and chess at least twice a week.
8) Crib - Stop cribbing about not having a love life ;) .

8 aims for 2008 ! Go Harish !

Happy New Year everyone !!! 

You

Time drifts by
flotsam on a slow river
nowhere to go, nothing to achieve
existing to exist.

My soul is hungry
depleted and lonely
A single tree facing
a vehement storm
my leaves fall away
one by one.

The sunset
a distant horizon
and all I can do
is sit and think
about you.

- Harish Suryanarayana.

Musings in desperation

-----------------------
In deep sleep
her hand touches my lip
a shiver
-----------------------
distant thoughts
I hug her pillow
smell of jasmine
-----------------------
intertwined hands
many waves
one golden moon
-----------------------
Harish Suryanarayana

Jai Hind

Its a bittersweet symphony, this life ...

This post is about this fantastic fantastic song by The Verve - "Bittersweet Symphony". Before continuing, I would urge you to have a look at the video.

Now that you have seen it, and enjoyed it, if you paid enough attention, you will observe that it is a beautiful commentary on how to live your life. In the beginning of the video, Richard Ashcroft looks up, a small prayer to the Almighty before he begins his journey. And then he starts walking and does not stop. This is a plea for persistence. Irrespective of what comes your way, once you decide on something, you keep going. Some people will bar your way, some move away and few more create trouble. What is important is that you keep going without losing steam. The masterstroke is when the car goes by and he looks at his reflection. This is to indicate that sometimes when you have to stop, use the time for introspection and then keep going. If you can just do that, if you have the will and the tenacity to follow through, people will automatically notice you and follow you. You can be an inspiration in this bittersweet symphony called life.

Three

Photo courtesy : T J Karthik - an absolute stud and an awesome friend. Check out his photo collection at PhotoGlot. Thats me to the extreme right with the 'Jolna Pai ' :) . Photo at Besant Nagar Beach.

The weird thing tag

Tagged by Crescent a long long time ago.

I am to write about eight weird things about myself. Well, here goes [:)]

8) I like clean ears. I keep cleaning my ears every few hours. I know its not a good thing, but weird it is.

7) I can spot spelling/grammatical mistakes faster than most of my friends. It kinda jumps out at me and I cannot stand them.

6) I work best on the things that do not matter like my GRE instead of working on my fantastic project. I always do better on pass-fail courses than on graded ones.

5) I am a masochist to the core. Even if there are no problems, I create imaginary ones and wallow in sorrow.

4) I am obsessed with improving myself but end up pained again because of my laziness. If only I could kick that habit of procrastinating ! This is not very weird but I'd put it here anyway.

3) I like shouting out loud songs like "Tub-thumping" by Chumbawamba and "Take a look around " by Limp Bizkit to get a natural high. It works !

2) I listen to every kind, every genre of music. Carnatic to heavy metal, jazz to Hindustani instrumental. I frown at those people who say one is better than the other. Listen to what you enjoy !

1)


:P Weird !

The denouement

Okay, so I am free [:)] I am free from the endless hours going through long lists of words. Words like obstreperous , braggadocio , libretto and many more. I am done with the vacuous and inane formality know as the GRE or the Graduate Record Examination.

---------------------------------

Name : Harish Suryanarayana

Score :

Quant: 800 Verbal: 710

----------------------------------

Life is good. I am happy, more because this score ( which I think is pretty decent ) is the outcome of about a month of work, the last week being particularly strenuous. It slowly consumed me till I was practically doing nothing else. My guide at college was not happy at all.
Was it worth it?

Absolutely !

Ill never forget the poignant moment when I was my sister's status message after I told her about the result - " My brother rocks ! "

Only once one has known real sadness can one feel true happiness.

The study of human emotions is a complex and interesting task.Though it can be highly subjective, since different people have different experiences, certain aspects can give us a holistic understanding.Humans live their lives based on comparisons. I firmly believe that only by knowing what is bad can one know what is good; only if you know real sadness,can you feel true happiness.Firstly, many rituals and cultural traditions involve feeling sadness or mourning.These may indicate an understanding amongst our ancestors that perhaps we should gain knowledge if suffering as well.Secondly,it can be seen that the definition of happiness and sadness have an inherent connection.It is my contention that happiness cannot truly exist without its dear morose friend,sadness.

The Greeks had a certain deep affection for tragedies and tragic plays. They wished to imbibe 'pathos' into their souls.They seem to have realized that to know sorrow would perhaps help them understand happiness.The Japanese have a special festival where they mourn the loss of leaves and flowers during autumn.Many instances like this can be found in world history where the populace desire to feel sorrow. This is perhaps a reaction to knowing that only by balance, only by knowing knowing the Yin, can the Yang be understood.

The fundamental concept of happiness comes under question without sadness.How can happiness be defined ? This definition is extremely subjective and can vary from person to person. For some, it might mean monetary success and for others happiness could be finding the one they love and sharing their lives with them.However, sadness has a more general definite form. Pain and suffering seem to be more general and have a clearer definition . Though the lack of sadness cannot be equated to happiness, it is definitely one of the prerequisites of happiness.

It is often said that it is in sadness and pain that a person's character is shaped.With millions of people dying without food,water and the basic amenities required for a decent life, people with these facilities should realise how fortunate they are. In the hustle-bustle of today's materialistic world, it is easy to overlook our blessings. Only when we know and realise the pain so many fellow humans suffer, can we appreciate the wonderful life we have been bestowed.It is my contention that indeed, only once one has known real sadness can one feel true happiness.

PS: I wrote this essay in the stipulated 45 minutes for my GRE. Feel free to give me your inputs on how to improve it.

Delusion

Mind maurauded
looted,raped
Stop this futile addition of zeros
Stop this programming
Mindless hours of decadence.

Consumerism !
You have to own a car!
You have to own a house!
Why ?

Redefine your life.
Society! Shut up !
Stop feeding me your execrable ideals
People all sheep !
All sheep fighting to own more.
Look at yourselves and weep

For where there could have been
a happy musician
now stands,
a haggard zombie in a suit
Is your coat and your car
enough for you?
In your final eight minutes
I assure you, friend
You'd live your life again
and when the time comes
to decide,
You will choose without hesitation
What you want! What YOU want!

This internecine struggle
between heart and mind
This is Maya. This is delusion
Throw it away. Cast it aside
and you have
YOU! You have GOD.

- Harish Suryanarayana

25 things I want to do/experience before I die

25. I want to see loved ones get genuinely teary eyed when I achieve what I plan to.

24. I want to be able to spend a whole night camping in some remote place with my special one.

23. I want to give a full fledged Carnatic concert to family and friends.

22. I wish to own a grand piano and be able to play it well enough to impress myself.

21. I want to go sky diving. Feel gravity. Feel the earth pulling me towards her.

20. I want my first kiss to feel magically divine.

19. I want to feel achievement again. JEE result time was the only time I really felt exhilaration. I want that feeling once more at least.

18. I want to feel my six pack abs. I want her to feel my six pack abs.

17. I want to see my mom and dad tension free, leading a carefree life.

16. I want to be my sister's kid's favourite uncle. *

15. I wish to be able get out of bed when I feel like. This has been the toughest thing for me.

14. I want to sketch and paint. I want to create works of art which make people think.

13. I want to speak French and Sanskrit. Both languages totally kick ass.

12. I want to get high. Once. Just to see what my strange little mind can conjure. My dreams are weird enough.

11. I want to gift my sis something invaluable when she least expects it .

And thats all I can think of for now.. Strange ! I thought I could hit 25 peacefully !!

Creepy !

Imagine you are sitting at the end of a dark corridor. You are on a rocking chair and the only light visible is a tubelight at the far end and even that flickers, throwing waves of light suddenly and taking it away with equal ease. You cannot move and are somehow stuck to the rocking chair. It is rocking slowly, to and fro, to and fro.The wind is blowing slowly but is strong enough to make an uneasy Shhhing sound as it weaves its way past the trees. The breeze is unusually cold. And then, you listen to the soundtrack of Rosemary's baby !!

Creepy ! ! !

PS: I first listened to this soundtrack in mid-afternoon and still got creeped out. How do they come up with such beautiful expressions of emotion?

Dirt

There is dirt in my mind,
Dirt, like that grease stain
on a pure white shirt
It is pure white no more,
however hard I scrub.
It is just there, ugly
hurting me, hurting itself
for I might give up
and rather than wear it,
throw it away.

My first music class in 7 years !

Retro Mode:

Class VI to Class IX - Harish! Why he is the lead singer of the school's choir team.
Class X - Harish! He was the lead singer of the school's choir team.


It was during that transitory period in class X. You are not too sure what is happening around you.
And then suddenly you cannot sing anymore. My voice broke when I was in class X and it was then that I stopped learning Carnatic Music. Biggest mistake of my life. Now I am going to set things right again. I had my first class and after hearing me sing, my new guru decided to start me off on the Varnams. Totally awesome result ! Did not want to do the Swarajathis again. I am so happy

Year V - IITM : Harish has started learning music again !

Stirrings

Well, today I had a spiritual moment. A beautiful beautiful moment which seemed to last forever. And it came out of the blue. After a nice dinner - paruppu podi saadam, my favourite, I cycled back to my room and suddenly I wanted to to listen to Whisperings. My favourite internet radio station. The weather here in Chennai was surprisingly perfect, cool breeze, trees swaying and making their shhhhhhes. Then as the soulful notes of a tune played in my room, all suddenly became quiet. No breeze, no note and then just one or two perfect notes slowly. It was beautiful! I sat there stunned by the absolute pure radiance of the moment. It is these type of experiences which add some meaning to this confusing life, giving us hope of something higher, of beauty and peace, of God.

Dirty World

I live in my world.
Let me live and dream
Of butterflies and sweet sunshine
Of buns filled with luscious cream

Why do you want to ruin
This illusion, though not true
By images of gruesome murder
By people with blood not red, but blue

I am but a speck of dust
With the power to imagine
That I am greater than myself
That its paradise I am in.

But you prove to me
Again and again, you perverts
You shove your dirty images
You hit me where it hurts

Get away from me! dirty world
I puke when I see the ugliness
Let me make my own movie
Let me live in my senselessness


Harish.S

Going from a 7 to a 10

*self help* I know, I know .Most of you reading this would stop reading after the first two words. But this guy here does give some real sound advice. I am stuck at a very very comfortable 7. I am mediocre in many of the things that I do. I realize that and I want to change. Doing some motivational reading can help when you are stuck. Check out Steve Pavlina.

Ashima

You drive me crazy
My love, is not pure clarity insanity as well ?
I do not know why we are here
I do not know what is good and what is bad.
All I know, is that I love you
And today I hold your hand as it moves
millions of tiny random motions over mine
And as your breath caresses my chest
All boundaries are shattered, my love
I know, for sure,without any doubt
That you exist and I exist
And we, are one.

Tarantino at SBI - IITM

Just today, I went to the SBI - State Bank of India, IIT Madras branch for some passbook related work. I needed a change of address to apply for a passport {next post} , and I saw the security guards carrying these huge rifles slung across their shoulders. I had wait for a few minutes to get my work done and my unstable, restless mind naturally started imagining scenarios. I should also tell you, in advance, that I had been re-watching Kill Bill II, that fantastic movie by Quentin Tarantino a hundred times as I do usually with most movies I like. So, I just wondered how the scene of this bank being robbed would be filmed by Quentin.

__________________________________________________
Chapter '0' - Robbery at the Indian Bad Service Bank.


Its a dark day and it is raining outside. There is a puddle in the mud just outside the bank. A small one and it reflects the SBI board upside down when suddenly, a brilliantly polished boot lands on it and walks past. Camera zoom out, and we see three guys impeccably clad in suits from Savile Row. All three are wearing black and all look almost exactly alike but not quite ( Imagine agents in The Matrix) . The guy walking in front has a small crack on his coolers which comes into focus as he turns to enter the building. Also the other two have two samurai swords which they are holding with their left hand to the back. Now they enter the bank one by one , the first one going straight to the counter. He pulls out two shining silver GLOCK pistols , holds it sideways simultaneously pointing it to the head of the woman at the counter and just holds it there . The other two men pull out their swords and simultaneously slice and dice the two guards. The main guy now talks to the lady, he says in a deep gruff voice - ' Excuse me for barging in on you like this miss, but you see I am in a terrible hurry. I dont quite like killing people but it turns out that it is the best past time when you are made to wait. You get where I am getting at ? So will you make me wait or fucking show me some green ? '

Now people shart shouting and running and the man, the main guy , shouts out loud - ' All you motherfuckers - Pardon the language - stay where you are and dont move unless you want to be squished like rotten tomatoes'. Just when he ends it, a girl standing near a display of fruits and vegetables, squishes a fine red tomato she is holding in her hand. Now at the far end the door opens and a guard enters. He realizes what is happening and suddenly finds that his rifle is not loaded. So he fishes out the bullet from the case and loads it into his gun, but he has been spotted and one of the samurai come rushing at him .. In slow motion, he aims the gun at the samurai making a full 90 degree sweep and fires. The camera follows the bullet and just before it hits the samurai he jumps. The bullet moves past the samurai and gives us a back view as he slices the guard's head off in one swift motion while still in the air. The main guy frowns and says to the lady at the counter - ' That, my young lady, is what happens when you try to be a hero.Your heads gets chopped off'.

He smiles and removes his glasses and we see that he has only one eye. At the place of the other, there is just empty space. She looks at him petrified and hands over the cash. ' Thank you', he says. 'The service at this bank is pretty fast. Perhaps, I should open an account here' and tilts his head, as he replaces the GLOCK pistols in his pockets and walks out. The other two men follow . He waits till they reach their car. A smashing new Audi A5 which also has a small crack in the right corner of its wind shield . The car's doors open . The main guy sits
at the back while his minions sit forward and they vroom away, leaving a trail of flying leaves in their wake.

_______________________________________________________

Questions

It is for moments of joy,those random sparks , that we trudge through this mundane greyness.
When will the fog lift ?
Is it fog or is it my eyes ?
Or my mind ?
Why do we keep walking and not bother to look at where we are going ?

Confusion

I am confused. I cannot think straight. I cannot think. Or am I thinking too much. No control over myself. No control. Susceptible. I feel very susceptible. If the devil wanted my soul , he could perhaps so easily tempt me. I see that there is something more , but that something is not clear. Not clear at all. So I simply turn away and begin to believe that it does not exist. Simply because I do not understand it , does not mean it does not exist. I cannot wish away the truth. But do I want to ? May be some more understanding. Someone who can tell me what it means , and make things clearer , even if it is not true. What am I doing? Why am I writing this ? Why am I such a loser ? What is going on ?

No Reasons

I love you not , for your looks
demi-goddess that you are
enchanting the mortal world

I love you not , for your innocent smile
which can in one simple curve
show me the meaning of existence .

I love you not , for the twinkle in your eye
a hint of mischief ,
like a dash of chocolate on vanilla

I love you not , for your talk
a voice which can melt
the un-meltable.

I love you because you are , and I am .

Sorry !

Aah! What a fine day to meet
The movie for today was Happy Feet
She was coming , to a movie with me
She was coming , to the OAT

I walked to the theater , fine evening sun
Bought tickets and awaited an evening of fun
At seven and thirty , disaster struck
She might not make it , at home she was stuck

Told her it was okay if she came late
Told her lets go , I will wait
Called her up more times than I should
Eager beaver , IITian , Ob I would

She couldn't make it , even if late
I was alone , stranded , at Vel's gate
Disappointed , I messaged my friend
A consoling pat , mebbe he could lend

"She is not coming man" , I lamented
"40 bucks down the drain , wasted "
I sent him the message , but the report said
I had sent her the message instead !!!

Sorry Miss K , I know that was cheap
Look, I am cursing myself now , bleep bleep bleep
I hope you laugh at this stupid rhyme
And gimme a chance to make up , sometime .

Only for you ( My song)

In the deep recesses of my mind
you dwell
far far away
tucked away safe , only for me

In the deep recesses of my mind
twirling slowly
in the grey haze
the violin plays , only for me

In the deep recesses of my mind
silence reigns
a distant gaze
a tear , only for me

In the deep recesses
In the deep recesses of mind
I yearn and I cry ... only for you
only for you , only for you .

Harish.S

Success

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory is a benediction.
- Anon

Guru - A Review

Rating : 7 /10

Guru is a story about a village boy who after a brief stint working abroad starts his own business in India and makes a huge success out of it. He is helped initially by the editor of a newspaper , a role played really well by Mithun Chakraborty. Later on , Guru starts employing unlawful means for business development and uses Mithun's paper as a medium to brow-beat competitors when he is away on vacation. Mithun-da gets mad and decides to turn the tables on Guru . Enter Madhavan , a bright young reporter investigating Guru's enterprise . Vidya Balan is his love interest and Mithun's daughter . Oh yes ! Aishwarya Rai is Abhishek's wife , Sujata , who is the dutiful perfect wife we see in so many Hindi movies . The movie ends with a 4.5 minute speech by Abhishek, during an enquiry into his nefarious ways, which totally and absolutely fails to deliver .

The first half of the movie is interesting and holds your interest , but the build up falls apart as the second half progresses. Abhishek Bacchan does a decent job as Guru delivering lines such as ' Lado to guru ki tarah par yaad rakhna ki guru sirf ek hi hai ' without looking over-pompous . Aishwarya Rai cannot dance . Or Mani Ratnam has asked her to not dance too well because she is after all a 'gaon ki ladki' which then ,is very good acting, but I really do doubt that . Mallika Sherawat's item number oozes oomph - very sexy . The lady does expose and how ! Vidya Balan and Madhavan have small roles which are essayed well and with confidence. The cinematography is obviously fantastic , Maniratnam and Rajiv Menon really deliver on that count. The music does not seem all that great , not Rahman level , except ' Barso re Megha Megha ' which is pretty catchy.

Worth a watch , if you are jobless .

My present state

I am an old man , sitting on a rocking chair , slowly swaying,
back and forth , back and forth ,
not thinking , not wanting to think,
not talking , not wanting to talk,
the only conscious movement being the effort
to keep the chair in motion .

One day , some day , I will be liberated,
Then , I will get up and realize,
I have been wasting
my f*****g time.

Dawn in October

' What a tragedy ! ' , they all said. ' Rather unfortunate for such a young man so full
of spirit and goodness ' . And sad it was indeed . Ankit Roy was a technical entrepreneur who knew where to go and most importantly when to go . Largely successful in most of his ventures , he had made a name for himself in the industry at a fairly young age. And just when everything was going fine and life was all sunshine , his wife died .

I was hired to take care of Mr.Ankit. His was indeed the worst case I had seen in quite some time. I was told that they had been married for just about 4 months , that she was more than perfect for him and that they got along so well . ' Lord Shiva and Parvathi would have been jealous ' , the maid said . I am always very friendly with the household staff . They seem to have most of the information needed to help my patients.

They apparently met at a party hosted by Ankit's father to celebrate his sixtieth birthday . She was the daughter of an acquaintance and was , like most of the vernal populace in such parties , bored . That was when he noticed her , walking about.She stood apart , a lone streak of light on a dark night . They got talking and the rest is history . I saw a full picture of her hanging on the wall . She was definitely not what people would call a traditional beauty . But then , there was this quiet charm and grace which was quite unmistakable, even enchanting . The maid said that she was very kind to them , giving them nice presents on festival days and always treating them
with respect.

The loss hit Ankit very badly . He was totally shattered by this sudden cruel twist in his life. Jolted to an alternate reality by this sudden shock , he rarely spoke and was barely alive himself . He was not eating enough food and most of the times , we had to feed him intravenously to keep up his energy levels. I thought that the phase would pass in a month and that he would return to normalcy , but it seemed as though some part of his body was ripped from him and would never come back . His state remained hopeless . This was when I suggested that he be taken away from this house . His thoughts were torture enough ; he need not be reminded of
her externally .

So we went to this beautiful small house by the shores of a small lake . The house was set at an elevation, near the hills and the weather was close to perfect , maybe a tad too cold . It had two small bedrooms , a spacious hall and a chimney . The view of the hills from the window was breathtaking. The caretaker had maintained the house well and I thought it was just perfect . Ankit looked curious when we first brought him here , I thought I saw a flicker of recognition . But then , it reverted back to his empty gaze . His father told me he had searched long and hard
to find this house in the hills .

A month passed by . Ankit's state improved slightly , but not too much . He did eat more , and he started writing . He would spend hours by the window just gazing blankly , scribbling a few lines on to his pad now and then . This was the worst case I had seen to date . Can the loss of someone close affect a person so much ? Could it drive one to such a state of despair ? Apparently it could. Ankit's case was unique and it raised many questions . How could I help him come back ? A few days passed by , without much happening . Then one day , early in the
morning , I heard a sound and got up with a start . Ankit was very restless , tossing and turning in his bed , the night lamp lay broken on the floor . I happened to gaze out of the window and noticed that the light in the small dock near the lake was on and was flickering. The dock looked beautiful in the mist . It was a small open hut like structure with two benches . I thought it would be really nice to actually go out there , the sun would be up soon anyway . So on an impulse , I woke Ankit up , got him dressed and took him out to the dock .

He came without protest . The light in the hut had now , surprisingly gone off . The air was fresh and the scenery amazing . I took a deep breath , letting the air fill my lungs and freshness , my soul . The dulcet chirping of birds started and slowly, the deep black of the sky transformed to lighter shades of blue. Ankit sat on the bench , silently , looking out into the lake , clutching his handkerchief . I did not attempt to talk to him now . Silence seemed much more meaningful.

As we sat there , me drinking in the beauty, and Ankit staring far away , a beautiful yellow butterfly fluttered by . Ankit , seemed captivated by it . It came back , perched on his shoulder for a second and then fluttered away. Something changed in Ankit. I could see it. He got up , slowly and held the railing . A small tear rolled down his cheek as he gave me his handkerchief . It had a yellow butterfly embroidered on the bottom left corner. As the winter sun , slowly rose
and the mist lifted leaving minute drops of dew on our skins , he did something which he had not done in the two months I had been with him. He smiled.

--X--

PS: The above is part of the Creative Writing Assignment submitted by me . My Creative writing teacher rocks. I am so in love with her [:)] .

FIR

Fantastic Internet Radio .

Help improve the world. Do something useful. And when you are not involved in such pursuits , relax by listening to heart-warming music .

Check out Pandora .

It

It envelopes me.
It is ugly.
But I do not close my eyes.
It screams ,
The deranged screams of a maniac,
But I listen.
Its stench is revolting,
But I smell
And keep smelling .
Transfixed I stand ,
Like a zombie I follow ,
As it drags me towards eternal damnation.

No new posts !

Sorry , people who have been regularly visiting my small nondescript place on the web . I shall be back in a month .

PS : If you are here , you might as well leave a comment . I shall visit you soon :)

TAG ! - 8 things

"And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. " - Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

Tagged by Deepthi .

I have been asked to enlist 8 things not known to anybody . I'd rather call it 8 things not known to most .

1) I hide behind a mask all the time . Many people know Harish , but nothing about him .I am
slowly realising the stupidity of it all . Being more open of late and socialising better .

2) My social skills suck BIG TIME . So in gatherings , I usually shut up.The how do you do ?
How is your mother ? How is your grandmother ? How is your grandmother's younger brother's cousin's husband ? .... Just does not work for me . I just cant make day-to day conversation.Very pointless . My telephone conversations last , at max , 5 minutes . . except with my darling sister .

3) I have very few good friends , countable on the fingers ... of one hand .

4) I recently went out on a date ( technically atleast ) [ :P ] . And no , I shall not reveal any
more details , so Shhhh ! Secret !

5) I flip when I listen to a sweet voice . Sometime , someday , I hope and wish somebody will
sing to me and for me alone ala Before Sunset .

6) I have gone many a times to cinemas alone . Sunday evenings , sometimes , I just take off and go see a movie all by myself . Some of my friends find that very strange. I get totally involved
in movies and many times prefer to watch them alone , without any disturbance , in one
stretch . And , yes , I cry when some scene touches me ... like the scene in Patch Adams when he apologizes to her and reads her the Pablo Neruda peace ...

7) I look like a ruffian . Good for me :) . I love my beard and have , to date regretted it
everytime I shave it off . I feel much more comfortable with my beard ! Mebbe because I
look much better with most of my face covered [:P] .

8) Most of my life is like a periodic signum function ( Desperate attempt at pseud putting *) .
Suddenly I am king of all worlds and then again , suddenly a pointlessly depressed pebble .
I am slowly getting out of this stupidity and starting to lead a happier life . With age comes
wisdom [:P]

If you want to know more about me , you could always read the
20 things about me tag .

I tag

Hedonia Better do something about your URL !
MRL Came back recently to grace us with her presence [:)]
Swap who is now lost as lost can be .

Feel

Why do you look so sad , my lover
Why do you look so sad ?

Look at the deep dark sea
Swirling in restless tranquility
Look at the silver studded moon
Moving slowly yet too soon
Look at the the beauty of twilight
A transient breath of uncertainty
Look at me this moment
Thrown beyond happiness or pleasure
Beyond anything describable
By your touch and the feel of your breath

She smiled , the most beatific smile
and rested her head and her worries on my lap.

And we had a talk ...

Music comes in many many forms . Most of the time , though , of late , it has just become something routine which plays on your computer when you are home . Then suddenly , out of the blue , a piece just pulls you , tuggs at you and reminds you why music is such an inseperable part of the human soul . I had such an experience and this time it was a brilliant piece by none other than the maestro of Tamil music ; Ilayaraja .

The piece I am talking about is titled ' And we had a talk ' from his album ' How to name it ' . This album shows Ilayaraja's musical genius as he uses western classical influences , especially Bach , in an Indian context . Its a delight to listen to !

And we had a talk has a violin conversation in which the violin actually converses ! A true masterpiece . The first part is just way too awesome and I assure you ,will put you in a trance .
I have just come out of it , after listening to the piece a hundred thousand times . It is one of the gems of Indian music you should'nt miss.

Get a Life! (Part I)

Its office time! I love my plush new office, the fountain at the entrance, the well arranged parking space, but most of all I love my own personalized cubicle. It offers me the comfort of my own private space in a maze of cells. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Harish. If I were to introduce myself, Bond style, I'd probably say 'A glass of ginger-lime, shaken, not stirred. By the way, I’m Introverted, acutely Introverted. '

The dictionary defines an introverted person to be a person predominantly concerned with his/her own thoughts & feelings rather than with external things. It also says someone who is introverted is a shy inwardly thoughtful person. That’s exactly what I am and I am happy and contented. People are always talking about how they are so lonely and need company. Why? Why when you can do what you please with your imagination?

For example, the paper weight on my desk is sufficient entertainment for me. All I need to do is say paperweight and let my mind go! The paper weight is pyramidal in shape. Pyramids! Those sophisticated wonders of architecture; I should go to Egypt sometime and see them. If I go to Egypt, I should definitely visit the Sphinx. I have a question for the Sphinx! What was that fanatic thinking when he cut your nose off? And there five minutes of unlimited entertainment. Who needs people? There is so much to think! So much to visualize!

But then, today was one of the days when my imagination was not helping much. The paperweight looked just as it was, a plain transparent paperweight and I was soon bored. So, I decided to look around for more interesting objects. I stood up and then there she was. She looked gorgeous! Her hair was casually tied up, with a few strands trickling down her fair face . She stroked her neck, contemplating some matter of supreme importance and then, with a look of determination, started typing away on her keyboard.

I sat down and my imagination started kicking in. She looked regal and graceful. Maybe she could be the daughter of a count and me a young prince. They would organize a huge party and being the most eligible bachelor around, I would ask of her to dance with me. As the band played Tchaikovsky's ' Dance of the Swans ' we would dance and all other couples would look at us with envy. Then dinner would be served and she would be enchanted by my deep knowledge of the random motion of electrons .We would then sneak away to the terrace , where in the enchanting moonlight , my cell shall ring .It was my boss calling !

Better get going!

I never seemed to tire of her. Once, she was a Kuchipudi dancer, being tortured by her maternal uncle to marry him and then, she was an animal rights activist, fighting a losing battle with ruthless poachers to save the three horned rhinoceros. And always, I was there to help her out, save the day and live happily ever after. All I needed was one look at her and all these thoughts flowed automatically to keep me entertained.

One day, I got up to get my glimpse when she turned around and our eyes met. My heart started beating faster and I felt something hollow in my throat. This had never happened before! Not even in my imagination! It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. She then smiled a most charming smile, one that could melt a heart as hard as the material my paperweight was made of and then continued with her work. Life just got so much more interesting. Maybe I could ask her out sometime…

To be continued…

No more bullshit !

I am unhappy with my progress. So no more bullshit ! . I am going to change . Thats the bottom line.

Books - Tag !

Tagged by Solitary Reaper.

Book that changed my life : Every book changes your life. The question is how big a change are we talking about ? Real dramatic change ? None so far.

One book I'd want on a desert island : The BhagavathGita / Ramayana /Mahabharata :) .

One book that made me laugh :any Wodehouse ( wonder why I cant think of anything else ? )

One book that made me cry : Love Story ( The last line had its effect :( Dont blame me , it is my first mushy mushy read )

One book you wish had been written: 100 ways to torture yourself out of Laziness.

One book you wish had never been written : Any Harold Robbins . Geez ! Such stuff will make pornstars blush !

One book you are currently reading : Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder

Mostly consisting of dialogues between the titular Sophie Amundsen and a mysterious man named Alberto Knox, interwoven with an increasingly bizarre and mysterious plot, it acts as both a novel and a basic guide to Philosophy. Courtesy Wikipedia .

Book I have been meaning to read : The Romantic Manifesto ( Rand ) Rand's opinion on art and its purpose in human life.

Tagged !

The good thing and the bad thing about tags is that you don't have to think too much :)

Tagged by Sid.
Sid's link led me to the Bad English Contest , which I eventually won. Thanks dude !

I a’m thinking about: Whether I will ever be able to reclaim my self-confidence in Acad related matters .

I said: Be good , do good and punch that egotistical snob on his face.

I want to: Go on atleast one perfect date before I am 25 . Not too hopeful though . I seem to have too much female repellant on me .

I wish: I could stop procrasting. Its hurting me bad . Real bad.

I hear: Norah's soft cooing . Love her songs.

I wonder: If people will ever realise that life is such a wonderful gift and stop cribbing. (Atleast those people to whom life has been good.It probably has if you are reading this. )

I regret: Having stopped singing and learning Classical music when my voice broke. Ill regret that forever.

I am: A sentimental romantic fool who is confused about most things in his life.

I dance: When I am extremely happy and nobody else is around . I am extremely self-conscious.

I sing: well . Atleast used to . I like to hum the tunes of different ragas my own way . Create my own music.

I cry: whenever there is emotion in scenes involving the arts - music and dance . I was crying like a baby in those scenes in the Titanic where these musicians decide to walk away and then regroup . * Boo hoo*

I make with my hands: Music on my Keyboard .

I write: Only when I am inspired or need to put pseud ;) .

I confuse: some of my close friends because of my pseudo-oscillatory behaviour.

I need: Cash . Lots of it :)

I tag :

Swap
MRL
Humesh Anna
Deeps
Hedonia

I Rule ! Again

I am bad .. I am bad .. You know it ! You know it !

Well , After SAARANG 2005 , my bad bad brains needed a little flexing .
So I won the Bad English Writing Competition .

THANK YOU ! Mr. Bombay Addict .


My Entry in full :

The Matrix - A Revew

This movie it be one of my favorite.It has action like my hero Dharmendhar who also fly and escape any bullet which come my way.They have very cool name like Neo , Morphus and Trinty. . Morphus has deep voice and also speak very good dialoges by himself.My favourite dialogue is him saying do you eat red pill or will swallow blue pill to Neo. Morphus is so sofsticated and poise and panache but Neo look like he dont know what happening . Sometime I feel like getting up and kicking his mud head into sense. The movie I dont understood but action good ,so I see movie many many time.Agent Smith who is secret agent like James Bond but have no cool number like 007.I highly recomends movie for action liking peoples because action be made in Amrica studio and is very good."



PS : The Matrix Rocks ! Forgive me Trinity if you are reading this :)

I RULE !

Ode to a friend

A gentle touch , a comforting word
A hug and a pat , worth the world
A bond only love transcends
Thank you , for being my friend

- Harish

Hope of Love

I am a romantic , a believer in the ideal
What will she say ? What will she say ?
Will I find love ? I sometimes wonder ,
Love is a powerful word .

If seeking love gives ecstacy in itself
How much more wonderful it would be
To have her close by, as she is now in my heart
Imagination does not help me now

Will the rose be a 'rose' if not for love
A morning dew on its soft petal
Adds melancholy to my loneliness
As I seek and want and desire

A hand to hold , her lips to kiss,
eyes to express and a heart to feel
What joy it fills me with,
The sweet hope of love .

-- Harish Suryanarayana

-

Its dark outside , really dark . I have seen this kind of dark only in my dreams . You know those dreams in which there isnt actually anything and it is just dark, an all-pervading dark you wish there were some light but it does not come . You want to wake up but you cant . Your body is immobile but your mind is working .Its thinking all kinds of shitty stuff .I wonder... How? Why ? . I shout shut up but no . It wont listen . It just wont listen . What do I do ? What do I do ? I need tranquility but I cant find it anywhere . Life's a rush and sleep is torture . Why ?

A View

Yesterday , I had to go the Chennai Central Railway station to see my dad off . The route i usually take is to go to Guindy from IIT and then use the local train service to get to park . Unfortunately for me , the time of departure of the train was set at 2000 hrs . Me being the introverted , IIT is the only place inm Chennai kind of fellow , did not realize what an ordeal it would be to travel on the metros during peak hours . On reaching Guindy , the line for taking the ticket itself was a mile long . That apart , the platform was also full . Apparently ,no train had come by for the past 15 minutes . As I stood helplessly for about 10 more minutes amongst a mass of humanity . The guy standing next to me at station kept emptying the respectable contents of his mouth on to the railway track . Then the train arrived . It was already full of people . I was starting to feel sick now . How many people ? But as i huffed and puffed and pushed my way into the train , I was able to find an isolatde spot where people wont disturb me . Thank God for that . But when I did get down at the Park station , did I get a photosnap moment . Hundreds of people heads bobbing up and down in motion in that small street . Am I also one of them ? Yes. It felt different . A new feeling of what do I say ? I am unable to put it in words . But the thing is sometimes ,when you go out of your cocooned protected world , you do get shocked .
There is so much pain and suffering in the world . Cripples , visually challenged people trying to make a living and live a decent life . We should all be so happy that we atleast have what we have . It is our duty to perform our duties , to ourselves first , then to family , country and humankind .


PS : Back to blogger after a brief stint at Yahoo! Answers .Its pretty cool !

My internship !

Yes ! Its true .. I have been working ! I have been slogging my a** off . Yes sir . I have an approximately 10 hour work day with 2 hrs of travel . To think this is how my life is going to be in the future is pretty scary . I have been pretty busy people and I am tired . My blog has become rather redundant . I shall try to do something about it . Goodnight .. yaaaawn

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

- Kalidasa

Fear

I had a dream . A dream if I may call it a dream . I know not in what dimension I exist . I know not if I do exist itself . I am lying down in a white light . A ghostly pale white light . I know not what is happening . Is this an expression of my ignorance ? Of my stupidity ? And suddenly three babies appear from above , a place I cannot see . But they are not actually babies . They just have that form . As they come closer , I wonder what ey want .And slowly , they start eating me . I cannot feel their bite . I cannot move . But they are taking something away . Something I do not want to give them , something which is inherently mine . My soul ? My ego ? And I scream . I scream for them to let go . No ! they shall not stop . They shall not stop till whatever they want is fully taken and I be left empty of that thing .

We

Yes I am a man
Yes I am one
By the time you are ready ,
I'd be done


I work real hard
At my own rate
To bring happiness
To my mate


The look on her face
When she does see
How hard I work
To make her happy


She cooks my meal
Which I greatly relish
She has made me my
Most favourite dish


We understand each other
We know we care
I love her more
Than i can dare


In my power what I can
I will do
To be with her
I know she will too


She is my own
Protect her I will
Till my very last breath
Makes me lay still.


PS : This is inspired by

Amritha's poem.

Though I started off with a different goal in mind , it generally veered , as usual ,to my blumbering , blubbering romantic inclinations .Time spent : 10 minutes . I wonder if I am in love or something these days. I dont even know what that is ... Scary !

You never always get what you want .

It is important at times to maintain a balanced attitude towards life . Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you dont . It has to be accepted . These trivialities should not affect your balance and cool . That is a very important lesson that I have learnt . Do what you can to get the best possible result and be happy with what you get . Be balanced .

PS : I needed to write ths because it is important for me to keep my cool at this present moment and not give up something I have been working really hard for . God help me .

Aroma

It was a fine Wednesday morning . I was , as usual , sitting on my favourite park-bench and doing what I do to while away the little time I have left on this planet , observe people . I find people so alike , yet so different . It is these infinite variations I find and the fact that there is always something new , that drives me . I have always detested being staid . But when you are 70 , and are living more or less alone , you tend to get accustomed to habit . My hobby was a welcome change to my otherwise mundane life .

As I started unfolding my paper to go through what has happened in the past few hours in the world , I saw a nice smart car on the road . Nice cars are rather rare to see in this area and I was curious as to why this particular car came this way . The car was parked and out stepped a young executive with a petite young girl . I assumed that they had met quite recently and got along pretty well , as he was courteous and was trying to attend to her every need . Just like me , relationships need something new .

They entered the local baker's store . I was guessing that they were just passing by and needed some refreshments . The aroma of our bakery is another thing altogether . Some joggers have told me that they take this route sometimes to experience the smell of its fresh baked cookies . There are some feelings which we cannot describe in words . A wish , the beauty of the moon , the gentle caress of your lover and the smell of freshly baked cookies .

It is not very difficult to please a sensible woman . I believe all it takes is some interesting conversation , sweet music and respect . Life could either be simple or complicated . It is your choice , your decision . People get all worked up to achieve , to be praised , to earn and lose out on the simple niceties of life . I lost out too . But I dont regret anything now . Regret only hurts . My work has given me a decent pension to live a moderate life and the strength to be able to sit on this comfortable park bench . As I fold my newspaper and walk past the bakery store , I take deep breath . Filled with happiness unknown and a sweet feeling of ease , I make make my way back to my cottage .

Thank You !

Flowers to all my wonderful friends . Thank you for being a part of my life :) .

My Immortal - Evanescence

It is a gift to be able to add a visual plane to music which actually elevates your emotional experience . This particular song , apart from being hauntingly addictive , has a brilliantly crafted video . Call it my fascination for black and white , but the lack of colour seems to add more meaning and feeling to the video . Amy Lee's voice is really something , powerful , yet not harsh . The song also brings out the beauty of the sound of the piano . An all in all absorbing song . Do have a look at the video .

PS : Please suggest songs with a similar premise if you know any . I am a sucker for sad love songs .

Thinking and hoping ...

A small traditional house with a courtyard ,on the shores of the mighty Bay Of Bengal .He sits on the porch and smells the see breeze .As the air fills his lungs , afeeling of contentment spreads through his body .Small lights glow in the distance .Ships ,sailing off to far away lands , visiting far away places . How beautiful they looked , as they flickered in the distance , complementing the stars in the sky . The moon shone brilliantly ,dazzling any soul who laid his eyes on her . He felt a delicate touch on his shoulder and as he turned and looked at her he knew , at that moment , what paradise was . In the silence they shared , in her beautiful captivating eyes , that hint of a smile on her face ,her dark long hair ,he lost himself as tears of joy flowed down his cheek and in that moment , he experienced true bliss .

1+2+3+3+2+1

After almost two weeks of hectic quizzes , I am back !! This occured in class . After my B slot( Digital Signal Processing ) Quiz , we were sitting sitting in class and the all charismatic Ramlingam Sir started to discuss the solutions .

First question(by ramli) : How did you do your exams ?

Class : *Gen chatter* People are happy exam was easy


I thought I had done pretty well in my exam and as usual , was sitting in the first bench . As sir solved some problem on board , I was nodding my head as I 'thought' i had done that sum right . Then suddenly , I find Ramli Sir looking at me . He had probably seen me nodding my head .there was a tinge of amusement and sarcasm on his face as he started to nod his head the other way !!
I was totally confused now .. I had done that problem perfeclty right . I had put down the same steps . What is going on ? Ramli sir clearly notices the confusion in my face .

The last step to the solution was 1+2+3+3+2+1 = 12 .

He calmly turns around , writes a 9 and points his finger at me mockingly . ' Why did you not not use your calculator ? ' as the whole class bursts into laughter !

I have not been more embarassed than this ever ! Man , does life rock !!

The BEST page in the universe !! { Link }

Do NOT click on this link unless you have atleast an hour of free time , 'cos I can assure you that you'll be hooked .

CLICK HERE :)

PS) Maddox rules !!!

I rule !!!

I won the Creative Writing - Day 4 ( Titbits ) event at Saarang 2006 . Am I good or what !
Numero Uno baby !! Yay !!

Coming up soon : My Creative Writing - Day 3 ( Poetry ) entry at Saarang 2006 .

My Creative Writing entry

Saarang is here and there are lots of girls and lots of noise and lots of wannabes and i just sometimes laugh at them ... hrrrmph . I am pretty irritated with it this time .. i do not know for what reason . Damn it .. Anyway , one of the main motivations for me to take part in the Creative Writing competition this time was the fact that i could post it all in my blog . Sounded like a good idea at that time ... *sigh* .


The Question : ACP Rathod is woken up at the middle of the night and informed about a dead body found in a deserted street . It is that of a woman and the only thing found along with her is a handbag with a note which says ' Do not exceed your welcome ' . Her left ring finger has been cut-off . Improvise .


My Answer :


The first time i saw him , I remember being filled with a strange kind of dread . You experience some feelings rarely and it is often these feelings that you do not forget . As I slump down to the floor in ACP Rathod's office ,I recall the events that lead to his tragic fate. It rains and thunders outside as his motionless silhouette sits by the window .

I was assigned to ACP Rathod about a month ago. He was one of the most brilliant officers ever to be on the force . He had single handedly cracked many ' unsolvables ' . I must say for myself that I was not bad either and the more I got to know him , the more i respected him . But ACP Rathod was a troubled man . He never drank and never smoked . He told me one day , ' I will never smoke because a rational man would not knowingly destroy his precious irreplaceable organs . I will never drink because I am trying damn hard to control my mind. I would not dare to let it loose. I fear its power . '

It was a night , three days ago , when he walked into the bar I frequent . I was surprised at that time but welcomed his company . He had a problem he said , as he drank his brandy .
I discovered that day , what a troubled man ACP Rathod was . His wife left him a year ago and had taken the only thing in his life which was more precious to him than his work , his daughter . He was 35 years old , single and confused but always extremely meticulous with his work . He never smiled and always looked stressed out . But he did not tell me what his problem was that day and I let it go at that . Some people just need somebody to talk to sometimes .


I was woken up at midnight by a call from my boss. He had recieved news of the dead body of a woman lying in a deserted part of the street .

12:20 AM : I reach the office and find that the light in Mr.Rathod's room is on . I grab a cup of coffee from the coffee machine to get my mind working and climb the stairs to his room . I see him twirling a pen in his hand in a characteristic fashion and trying to work out something on his pad.

12:30 AM : We reach the crime scene to find the body of a well dressed woman , about the age of 25. She had been strangled to death and her left ring finger had been cut-off . The police were already there on the scene before us , and had found a piece of paper in her handbag which said ' do not exceed your welcome ' .

01:00 AM : After convincing myself that there were no other clues around , I look around for Mr. Rathod. He was sitting on the other corner of the street and it looked like he had found something. It was a handkerchief and had a name ' Woody ' stitched on it and there were marks of blood . He had found the severed finger wrapped in it.
I remembered to have seen that name somewhere , but i was unable to place it . But what was more intriguing was the look on his face . He looked like he was about to cry , anguish and pain and uncertainty . Then , as he saw me next to him , his expression immediately changed to his usual frown .

01:20 AM : We leave the scene and bid each other goodbye . I go back to my room and feel very uncomfortable . I had seen the name Woody written somewhere. As i am unable to sleep , i get up to wash my face . As the cold water splattered on my face , I just remembered where i had seen it ! Mr. Rathod had written a poem and had shown it me

In heavens arms shall I sleep
For peace this world does not bring
To you , I need to come
Lord , execute me once

and it had been signed Woody !!!!


02:40 AM : I run like a madman to his office . I do not know what has taken me over . It was a feeling of something bad about to happen , something terrible . My gut feeling was never wrong and i ran . I ran to him . I ran because i did not know what else to do . And just as I was about to enter the building , I heard a loud BANG ! A gunshot ! The sound made me freeze on the spot.

0300 AM : I slowly climb the stairs and enter his room , my gun drawn to find him dead on his desk , gun in hand . He had blown his brains out . I was flabbergasted and did not know what to do . I found his scribbling pad in which the following had been scribbled .


DO NOT EXCEED YOUR WELCOME

LORD EXECUTE ME ONCE , WOODY


It was an anagram !!!!

The next day morning , I find out that the woman who had been killed was his wife . His kid had been killed in a car accident while playing outside her house and her mother was on the phone four days ago. That night at the bar , he had taken a few drinks and in a fit of insanity ,driven over to her place and killed her . He had been so taken over by rage that only after seeing her dead body ,three days later did he realise what he had done . She had taken away from him the only thing that mattered . As Red says in the Shawshank Redemption , " Every man has his breaking point " , and this was his .


PS : Junta , sorry if this leaves you a bit pained :) But this was written in 3 hours time , the first one hour of which went into figuring out the anagram .

Heil Karmalkar !!!

If there was one thing I was not satisfied with in IIT , it was the teaching. Many of the 'profs' seemed to look upon teaching as a burden . Then entered the charming , handsome stud Device Modelling prof Dr Shreepad Karmalkar . Its a pleasure listening to him and he is the perfect ' model ' of what a prof should be . Some of his gems ...

' Life is just a set of iterations. You try something out , check if it works , and then iterate to get something better'

'Modelling is like a game of chess . Just knowing how each piece moves does not ensure that you can win the game. You slowly develop expertise and improve your game. '

'What is understanding ? Understanding is knowing what is important and what you can ignore to simplify your problem. '

------

Sometimes , it feels like prison to me . Only there are no walls , no bars , no offence . You are free , they say . You are free to do what you please .... But are you ? I think man likes to be bound . The second they say you are free , he starts tying himself up with his own ropes . He starts limiting his possibilities ,he starts becoming un-free . Life throws many things at us .. But the cruellest thing is time . No matter how happy and how well fit , there is always this doubt ... ' could it have been done better ? Why did I Not do that ? Oh God wish I could go back . ' Any intelligent person would definitely have thought that , some time or the other . So I beg myself to live now .... to DO now ... because later I should not regret not having done it well , or not having done it at all ...

Inescapabilities

I fall again into my mind
As i spiral down , down into its depths
Purity i seek and that i do not get
Bored as I am to climb the steps

Indiscreet enquiry fails to make sense
As i move closer to self-destruction
Unbearably numb , numb as i am dumb
I throw the key into my own abyss

No people , no comfort ,no crying
As I just want to sleep
A sweet lullaby is sung to me
when I am done , I shall sleep.

Nice Beginning

Nothing like Home ... No place ever . After a six day sojourn at my 'favouritest' place in the whole universe , my home in Hyderabad , I am back in IIT , refreshed and ready to take on the new semester . My mum, like always , pampered me as much as she could . A cool fireworks display at midnight , thanks to some rich dude who lives near my place , the beautiful view of the lighted overbridge which still makes me want to stare at it and admire it , a child's innocent thankful smile in the train which made my heart beat faster and jump and soar with joy , boy i had a great time .
While leaving Hyderabad , the moon played its part by smiling ever so gently ... just a hint of a smile , a thin line in the sky ... WOW what a sight it was and what a great beginning !!!!