Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I have no idea why, but I am so happy today! A sense of rebirth and hope. Nothing special happened today except for a brief part during my regular run. I ran 7 miles today at a 9 minutes per mile pace which is decent. A certain path of the route felt rather surreal. It felt like I was going through some sort of portal into a land that was beautiful and new and young. After that, I felt great the whole day. I was so enthusiastic that when I came back and wanted to relax, I went to the MIT Open Courseware website and watched a lecture on basic programming, and completed watching the lecture. I also feel like praying and being thankful, which usually happens only in extremes of happiness or sadness. Something strange is going on. I hope all is for good.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Qualifying Exam.

I passed my Qualifying Exam with a score of 310/400 which is 30 marks more than what is required to pass despite having chosen a really tough related area. I am pretty happy with my performance. Its a big landmark moment in my life after the JEE, this being the second gigantic test of my technical ability. I am ecstatic and relieved today that I have not degraded all that much atleast as far as being able to solve academic problems go.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Ayn Rand's thoughts on love.

There are two aspects of man’s existence which are the special province and expression of his sense of life: love and art.
I am referring here to romantic love, in the serious meaning of that term—as distinguished from the superficial infatuations of those whose sense of life is devoid of any consistent values, i.e., of any lasting emotions other than fear. Love is a response to values. It is with a person’s sense of life that one falls in love—with that essential sum, that fundamental stand or way of facing existence, which is the essence of a personality. One falls in love with the embodiment of the values that formed a person’s character, which are reflected in his widest goals or smallest gestures, which create the style of his soul—the individual style of a unique, unrepeatable, irreplaceable consciousness. It is one’s own sense of life that acts as the selector, and responds to what it recognizes as one’s own basic values in the person of another. It is not a matter of professed convictions (though these are not irrelevant); it is a matter of much more profound, conscious and subconscious harmony.
Many errors and tragic disillusionments are possible in this process of emotional recognition, since a sense of life, by itself, is not a reliable cognitive guide. And if there are degrees of evil, then one of the most evil consequences of mysticism—in terms of human suffering—is the belief that love is a matter of “the heart,” not the mind, that love is an emotion independent of reason, that love is blind and impervious to the power of philosophy. Love is the expression of philosophy—of a subconscious philosophical sum—and, perhaps, no other aspect of human existence needs the conscious power of philosophy quite so desperately. When that power is called upon to verify and support an emotional appraisal, when love is a conscious integration of reason and emotion, of mind and values, then—and only then—it is the greatest reward of man’s life.

From the Romantic Manifesto by Ayn Rand.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

I chose

I accept that I made a mistake.
I accept that I chose wrong.
If it does not rain when it has to,
Swallow the pain and move on.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Notes to self.

1) People are invariably selfish.
2) When emotions are involved, tread very very carefully, like you were holding a syringe with the deadliest poison in the world. As thrilling as it might be, you could die if you do not handle it carefully.
3) Love does not happen and you cannot make it happen. All you can do is pretend to know.
4) Happiness can be obtained in other ways. Love is not the only solution, though it is a solution.
5) Survival is more important than happiness. In the multi-objective optimisation problem, survival gets a higher priority.
6) It is very hard to actually get over someone, even if you are not really in a relationship, when they reciprocate and then back off. Think about how hard it must be when you actually are in a relationship.
7) Find someone who can talk to you in a sensible manner without offending you or making a joke of your situation as people are wont to do. I am still looking for someone like that. Its hard because people always judge.
8) Material things are important. Irrespective of how well you groom yourself, how nice you are, how talented you are, the bottom line is always personal comfort for most people. This is related again to how people are inherently selfish.
9) Throw all the junk you saw in the particularly fantastic awesome movies out the window. The movies are awesome exactly because nothing will ever happen that way and still, someone thought of it.
10) Even if it is the hardest thing to do, never compromise on your principles. Get your principles straight and stick to it. A basic set of rules is necessary for survival.