Tuesday, December 19, 2006
of spirit and goodness ' . And sad it was indeed . Ankit Roy was a technical entrepreneur who knew where to go and most importantly when to go . Largely successful in most of his ventures , he had made a name for himself in the industry at a fairly young age. And just when everything was going fine and life was all sunshine , his wife died .
I was hired to take care of Mr.Ankit. His was indeed the worst case I had seen in quite some time. I was told that they had been married for just about 4 months , that she was more than perfect for him and that they got along so well . ' Lord Shiva and Parvathi would have been jealous ' , the maid said . I am always very friendly with the household staff . They seem to have most of the information needed to help my patients.
They apparently met at a party hosted by Ankit's father to celebrate his sixtieth birthday . She was the daughter of an acquaintance and was , like most of the vernal populace in such parties , bored . That was when he noticed her , walking about.She stood apart , a lone streak of light on a dark night . They got talking and the rest is history . I saw a full picture of her hanging on the wall . She was definitely not what people would call a traditional beauty . But then , there was this quiet charm and grace which was quite unmistakable, even enchanting . The maid said that she was very kind to them , giving them nice presents on festival days and always treating them
The loss hit Ankit very badly . He was totally shattered by this sudden cruel twist in his life. Jolted to an alternate reality by this sudden shock , he rarely spoke and was barely alive himself . He was not eating enough food and most of the times , we had to feed him intravenously to keep up his energy levels. I thought that the phase would pass in a month and that he would return to normalcy , but it seemed as though some part of his body was ripped from him and would never come back . His state remained hopeless . This was when I suggested that he be taken away from this house . His thoughts were torture enough ; he need not be reminded of
her externally .
So we went to this beautiful small house by the shores of a small lake . The house was set at an elevation, near the hills and the weather was close to perfect , maybe a tad too cold . It had two small bedrooms , a spacious hall and a chimney . The view of the hills from the window was breathtaking. The caretaker had maintained the house well and I thought it was just perfect . Ankit looked curious when we first brought him here , I thought I saw a flicker of recognition . But then , it reverted back to his empty gaze . His father told me he had searched long and hard
to find this house in the hills .
A month passed by . Ankit's state improved slightly , but not too much . He did eat more , and he started writing . He would spend hours by the window just gazing blankly , scribbling a few lines on to his pad now and then . This was the worst case I had seen to date . Can the loss of someone close affect a person so much ? Could it drive one to such a state of despair ? Apparently it could. Ankit's case was unique and it raised many questions . How could I help him come back ? A few days passed by , without much happening . Then one day , early in the
morning , I heard a sound and got up with a start . Ankit was very restless , tossing and turning in his bed , the night lamp lay broken on the floor . I happened to gaze out of the window and noticed that the light in the small dock near the lake was on and was flickering. The dock looked beautiful in the mist . It was a small open hut like structure with two benches . I thought it would be really nice to actually go out there , the sun would be up soon anyway . So on an impulse , I woke Ankit up , got him dressed and took him out to the dock .
He came without protest . The light in the hut had now , surprisingly gone off . The air was fresh and the scenery amazing . I took a deep breath , letting the air fill my lungs and freshness , my soul . The dulcet chirping of birds started and slowly, the deep black of the sky transformed to lighter shades of blue. Ankit sat on the bench , silently , looking out into the lake , clutching his handkerchief . I did not attempt to talk to him now . Silence seemed much more meaningful.
As we sat there , me drinking in the beauty, and Ankit staring far away , a beautiful yellow butterfly fluttered by . Ankit , seemed captivated by it . It came back , perched on his shoulder for a second and then fluttered away. Something changed in Ankit. I could see it. He got up , slowly and held the railing . A small tear rolled down his cheek as he gave me his handkerchief . It had a yellow butterfly embroidered on the bottom left corner. As the winter sun , slowly rose
and the mist lifted leaving minute drops of dew on our skins , he did something which he had not done in the two months I had been with him. He smiled.
PS: The above is part of the Creative Writing Assignment submitted by me . My Creative writing teacher rocks. I am so in love with her [:)] .
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
It is ugly.
But I do not close my eyes.
It screams ,
The deranged screams of a maniac,
But I listen.
Its stench is revolting,
But I smell
And keep smelling .
Transfixed I stand ,
Like a zombie I follow ,
As it drags me towards eternal damnation.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Tagged by Deepthi .
I have been asked to enlist 8 things not known to anybody . I'd rather call it 8 things not known to most .
1) I hide behind a mask all the time . Many people know Harish , but nothing about him .I am
slowly realising the stupidity of it all . Being more open of late and socialising better .
2) My social skills suck BIG TIME . So in gatherings , I usually shut up.The how do you do ?
How is your mother ? How is your grandmother ? How is your grandmother's younger brother's cousin's husband ? .... Just does not work for me . I just cant make day-to day conversation.Very pointless . My telephone conversations last , at max , 5 minutes . . except with my darling sister .
3) I have very few good friends , countable on the fingers ... of one hand .
4) I recently went out on a date ( technically atleast ) [ :P ] . And no , I shall not reveal any
more details , so Shhhh ! Secret !
5) I flip when I listen to a sweet voice . Sometime , someday , I hope and wish somebody will
sing to me and for me alone ala Before Sunset .
6) I have gone many a times to cinemas alone . Sunday evenings , sometimes , I just take off and go see a movie all by myself . Some of my friends find that very strange. I get totally involved
in movies and many times prefer to watch them alone , without any disturbance , in one
stretch . And , yes , I cry when some scene touches me ... like the scene in Patch Adams when he apologizes to her and reads her the Pablo Neruda peace ...
7) I look like a ruffian . Good for me :) . I love my beard and have , to date regretted it
everytime I shave it off . I feel much more comfortable with my beard ! Mebbe because I
look much better with most of my face covered [:P] .
8) Most of my life is like a periodic signum function ( Desperate attempt at pseud putting *) .
Suddenly I am king of all worlds and then again , suddenly a pointlessly depressed pebble .
I am slowly getting out of this stupidity and starting to lead a happier life . With age comes
If you want to know more about me , you could always read the
20 things about me tag .
Hedonia Better do something about your URL !
MRL Came back recently to grace us with her presence [:)]
Swap who is now lost as lost can be .
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Why do you look so sad ?
Look at the deep dark sea
Swirling in restless tranquility
Look at the silver studded moon
Moving slowly yet too soon
Look at the the beauty of twilight
A transient breath of uncertainty
Look at me this moment
Thrown beyond happiness or pleasure
Beyond anything describable
By your touch and the feel of your breath
She smiled , the most beatific smile
and rested her head and her worries on my lap.
Friday, September 08, 2006
The piece I am talking about is titled ' And we had a talk ' from his album ' How to name it ' . This album shows Ilayaraja's musical genius as he uses western classical influences , especially Bach , in an Indian context . Its a delight to listen to !
And we had a talk has a violin conversation in which the violin actually converses ! A true masterpiece . The first part is just way too awesome and I assure you ,will put you in a trance .
I have just come out of it , after listening to the piece a hundred thousand times . It is one of the gems of Indian music you should'nt miss.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
The dictionary defines an introverted person to be a person predominantly concerned with his/her own thoughts & feelings rather than with external things. It also says someone who is introverted is a shy inwardly thoughtful person. That’s exactly what I am and I am happy and contented. People are always talking about how they are so lonely and need company. Why? Why when you can do what you please with your imagination?
For example, the paper weight on my desk is sufficient entertainment for me. All I need to do is say paperweight and let my mind go! The paper weight is pyramidal in shape. Pyramids! Those sophisticated wonders of architecture; I should go to
But then, today was one of the days when my imagination was not helping much. The paperweight looked just as it was, a plain transparent paperweight and I was soon bored. So, I decided to look around for more interesting objects. I stood up and then there she was. She looked gorgeous! Her hair was casually tied up, with a few strands trickling down her fair face . She stroked her neck, contemplating some matter of supreme importance and then, with a look of determination, started typing away on her keyboard.
I sat down and my imagination started kicking in. She looked regal and graceful. Maybe she could be the daughter of a count and me a young prince. They would organize a huge party and being the most eligible bachelor around, I would ask of her to dance with me. As the band played Tchaikovsky's ' Dance of the Swans ' we would dance and all other couples would look at us with envy. Then dinner would be served and she would be enchanted by my deep knowledge of the random motion of electrons .We would then sneak away to the terrace , where in the enchanting moonlight , my cell shall ring .It was my boss calling !
Better get going!
I never seemed to tire of her. Once, she was a Kuchipudi dancer, being tortured by her maternal uncle to marry him and then, she was an animal rights activist, fighting a losing battle with ruthless poachers to save the three horned rhinoceros. And always, I was there to help her out, save the day and live happily ever after. All I needed was one look at her and all these thoughts flowed automatically to keep me entertained.
One day, I got up to get my glimpse when she turned around and our eyes met. My heart started beating faster and I felt something hollow in my throat. This had never happened before! Not even in my imagination! It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. She then smiled a most charming smile, one that could melt a heart as hard as the material my paperweight was made of and then continued with her work. Life just got so much more interesting. Maybe I could ask her out sometime…
To be continued…
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Book that changed my life : Every book changes your life. The question is how big a change are we talking about ? Real dramatic change ? None so far.
One book I'd want on a desert island : The BhagavathGita / Ramayana /Mahabharata :) .
One book that made me laugh :any Wodehouse ( wonder why I cant think of anything else ? )
One book that made me cry : Love Story ( The last line had its effect :( Dont blame me , it is my first mushy mushy read )
One book you wish had been written: 100 ways to torture yourself out of Laziness.
One book you wish had never been written : Any Harold Robbins . Geez ! Such stuff will make pornstars blush !
One book you are currently reading : Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder
Mostly consisting of dialogues between the titular Sophie Amundsen and a mysterious man named Alberto Knox, interwoven with an increasingly bizarre and mysterious plot, it acts as both a novel and a basic guide to Philosophy. Courtesy Wikipedia .
Book I have been meaning to read : The Romantic Manifesto ( Rand ) Rand's opinion on art and its purpose in human life.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tagged by Sid.
Sid's link led me to the Bad English Contest , which I eventually won. Thanks dude !
I am thinking about: Whether I will ever be able to reclaim my self-confidence in Acad related matters .
I said: Be good , do good and punch that egotistical snob on his face.
I want to: Go on atleast one perfect date before I am 25 . Not too hopeful though . I seem to have too much female repellant on me .
I wish: I could stop procrasting. Its hurting me bad . Real bad.
I hear: Norah's soft cooing . Love her songs.
I wonder: If people will ever realise that life is such a wonderful gift and stop cribbing. (Atleast those people to whom life has been good.It probably has if you are reading this. )
I regret: Having stopped singing and learning Classical music when my voice broke. Ill regret that forever.
I am: A sentimental romantic fool who is confused about most things in his life.
I dance: When I am extremely happy and nobody else is around . I am extremely self-conscious.
I sing: well . Atleast used to . I like to hum the tunes of different ragas my own way . Create my own music.
I cry: whenever there is emotion in scenes involving the arts - music and dance . I was crying like a baby in those scenes in the Titanic where these musicians decide to walk away and then regroup . * Boo hoo*
I make with my hands: Music on my Keyboard .
I write: Only when I am inspired or need to put pseud ;) .
I confuse: some of my close friends because of my pseudo-oscillatory behaviour.
I need: Cash . Lots of it :)
I tag :
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Well , After SAARANG 2005 , my bad bad brains needed a little flexing .
So I won the Bad English Writing Competition .
THANK YOU ! Mr. Bombay Addict .
My Entry in full :
The Matrix - A Revew
This movie it be one of my favorite.It has action like my hero Dharmendhar who also fly and escape any bullet which come my way.They have very cool name like Neo , Morphus and Trinty. . Morphus has deep voice and also speak very good dialoges by himself.My favourite dialogue is him saying do you eat red pill or will swallow blue pill to Neo. Morphus is so sofsticated and poise and panache but Neo look like he dont know what happening . Sometime I feel like getting up and kicking his mud head into sense. The movie I dont understood but action good ,so I see movie many many time.Agent Smith who is secret agent like James Bond but have no cool number like 007.I highly recomends movie for action liking peoples because action be made in Amrica studio and is very good."
PS : The Matrix Rocks ! Forgive me Trinity if you are reading this :)
I RULE !
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
What will she say ? What will she say ?
Will I find love ? I sometimes wonder ,
Love is a powerful word .
If seeking love gives ecstacy in itself
How much more wonderful it would be
To have her close by, as she is now in my heart
Imagination does not help me now
Will the rose be a 'rose' if not for love
A morning dew on its soft petal
Adds melancholy to my loneliness
As I seek and want and desire
A hand to hold , her lips to kiss,
eyes to express and a heart to feel
What joy it fills me with,
The sweet hope of love .
-- Harish Suryanarayana
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
There is so much pain and suffering in the world . Cripples , visually challenged people trying to make a living and live a decent life . We should all be so happy that we atleast have what we have . It is our duty to perform our duties , to ourselves first , then to family , country and humankind .
PS : Back to blogger after a brief stint at Yahoo! Answers .Its pretty cool !
Friday, May 26, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Yes I am one
By the time you are ready ,
I'd be done
I work real hard
At my own rate
To bring happiness
To my mate
The look on her face
When she does see
How hard I work
To make her happy
She cooks my meal
Which I greatly relish
She has made me my
Most favourite dish
We understand each other
We know we care
I love her more
Than i can dare
In my power what I can
I will do
To be with her
I know she will too
She is my own
Protect her I will
Till my very last breath
Makes me lay still.
PS : This is inspired by
Saturday, April 15, 2006
PS : I needed to write ths because it is important for me to keep my cool at this present moment and not give up something I have been working really hard for . God help me .
Monday, March 27, 2006
It was a fine Wednesday morning . I was , as usual , sitting on my favourite park-bench and doing what I do to while away the little time I have left on this planet , observe people . I find people so alike , yet so different . It is these infinite variations I find and the fact that there is always something new , that drives me . I have always detested being staid . But when you are 70 , and are living more or less alone , you tend to get accustomed to habit . My hobby was a welcome change to my otherwise mundane life .
As I started unfolding my paper to go through what has happened in the past few hours in the world , I saw a nice smart car on the road . Nice cars are rather rare to see in this area and I was curious as to why this particular car came this way . The car was parked and out stepped a young executive with a petite young girl . I assumed that they had met quite recently and got along pretty well , as he was courteous and was trying to attend to her every need . Just like me , relationships need something new .
They entered the local baker's store . I was guessing that they were just passing by and needed some refreshments . The aroma of our bakery is another thing altogether . Some joggers have told me that they take this route sometimes to experience the smell of its fresh baked cookies . There are some feelings which we cannot describe in words . A wish , the beauty of the moon , the gentle caress of your lover and the smell of freshly baked cookies .
It is not very difficult to please a sensible woman . I believe all it takes is some interesting conversation , sweet music and respect . Life could either be simple or complicated . It is your choice , your decision . People get all worked up to achieve , to be praised , to earn and lose out on the simple niceties of life . I lost out too . But I dont regret anything now . Regret only hurts . My work has given me a decent pension to live a moderate life and the strength to be able to sit on this comfortable park bench . As I fold my newspaper and walk past the bakery store , I take deep breath . Filled with happiness unknown and a sweet feeling of ease , I make make my way back to my cottage .
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
PS : Please suggest songs with a similar premise if you know any . I am a sucker for sad love songs .
Saturday, February 25, 2006
First question(by ramli) : How did you do your exams ?
Class : *Gen chatter* People are happy exam was easy
I thought I had done pretty well in my exam and as usual , was sitting in the first bench . As sir solved some problem on board , I was nodding my head as I 'thought' i had done that sum right . Then suddenly , I find Ramli Sir looking at me . He had probably seen me nodding my head .there was a tinge of amusement and sarcasm on his face as he started to nod his head the other way !!
I was totally confused now .. I had done that problem perfeclty right . I had put down the same steps . What is going on ? Ramli sir clearly notices the confusion in my face .
The last step to the solution was 1+2+3+3+2+1 = 12 .
He calmly turns around , writes a 9 and points his finger at me mockingly . ' Why did you not not use your calculator ? ' as the whole class bursts into laughter !
I have not been more embarassed than this ever ! Man , does life rock !!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The Question : ACP Rathod is woken up at the middle of the night and informed about a dead body found in a deserted street . It is that of a woman and the only thing found along with her is a handbag with a note which says ' Do not exceed your welcome ' . Her left ring finger has been cut-off . Improvise .
My Answer :
The first time i saw him , I remember being filled with a strange kind of dread . You experience some feelings rarely and it is often these feelings that you do not forget . As I slump down to the floor in ACP Rathod's office ,I recall the events that lead to his tragic fate. It rains and thunders outside as his motionless silhouette sits by the window .
I was assigned to ACP Rathod about a month ago. He was one of the most brilliant officers ever to be on the force . He had single handedly cracked many ' unsolvables ' . I must say for myself that I was not bad either and the more I got to know him , the more i respected him . But ACP Rathod was a troubled man . He never drank and never smoked . He told me one day , ' I will never smoke because a rational man would not knowingly destroy his precious irreplaceable organs . I will never drink because I am trying damn hard to control my mind. I would not dare to let it loose. I fear its power . '
It was a night , three days ago , when he walked into the bar I frequent . I was surprised at that time but welcomed his company . He had a problem he said , as he drank his brandy .
I discovered that day , what a troubled man ACP Rathod was . His wife left him a year ago and had taken the only thing in his life which was more precious to him than his work , his daughter . He was 35 years old , single and confused but always extremely meticulous with his work . He never smiled and always looked stressed out . But he did not tell me what his problem was that day and I let it go at that . Some people just need somebody to talk to sometimes .
I was woken up at midnight by a call from my boss. He had recieved news of the dead body of a woman lying in a deserted part of the street .
12:20 AM : I reach the office and find that the light in Mr.Rathod's room is on . I grab a cup of coffee from the coffee machine to get my mind working and climb the stairs to his room . I see him twirling a pen in his hand in a characteristic fashion and trying to work out something on his pad.
12:30 AM : We reach the crime scene to find the body of a well dressed woman , about the age of 25. She had been strangled to death and her left ring finger had been cut-off . The police were already there on the scene before us , and had found a piece of paper in her handbag which said ' do not exceed your welcome ' .
01:00 AM : After convincing myself that there were no other clues around , I look around for Mr. Rathod. He was sitting on the other corner of the street and it looked like he had found something. It was a handkerchief and had a name ' Woody ' stitched on it and there were marks of blood . He had found the severed finger wrapped in it.
I remembered to have seen that name somewhere , but i was unable to place it . But what was more intriguing was the look on his face . He looked like he was about to cry , anguish and pain and uncertainty . Then , as he saw me next to him , his expression immediately changed to his usual frown .
01:20 AM : We leave the scene and bid each other goodbye . I go back to my room and feel very uncomfortable . I had seen the name Woody written somewhere. As i am unable to sleep , i get up to wash my face . As the cold water splattered on my face , I just remembered where i had seen it ! Mr. Rathod had written a poem and had shown it me
In heavens arms shall I sleep
For peace this world does not bring
To you , I need to come
Lord , execute me once
and it had been signed Woody !!!!
02:40 AM : I run like a madman to his office . I do not know what has taken me over . It was a feeling of something bad about to happen , something terrible . My gut feeling was never wrong and i ran . I ran to him . I ran because i did not know what else to do . And just as I was about to enter the building , I heard a loud BANG ! A gunshot ! The sound made me freeze on the spot.
0300 AM : I slowly climb the stairs and enter his room , my gun drawn to find him dead on his desk , gun in hand . He had blown his brains out . I was flabbergasted and did not know what to do . I found his scribbling pad in which the following had been scribbled .
DO NOT EXCEED YOUR WELCOME
LORD EXECUTE ME ONCE , WOODY
It was an anagram !!!!
The next day morning , I find out that the woman who had been killed was his wife . His kid had been killed in a car accident while playing outside her house and her mother was on the phone four days ago. That night at the bar , he had taken a few drinks and in a fit of insanity ,driven over to her place and killed her . He had been so taken over by rage that only after seeing her dead body ,three days later did he realise what he had done . She had taken away from him the only thing that mattered . As Red says in the Shawshank Redemption , " Every man has his breaking point " , and this was his .
PS : Junta , sorry if this leaves you a bit pained :) But this was written in 3 hours time , the first one hour of which went into figuring out the anagram .
Monday, January 23, 2006
' Life is just a set of iterations. You try something out , check if it works , and then iterate to get something better'
'Modelling is like a game of chess . Just knowing how each piece moves does not ensure that you can win the game. You slowly develop expertise and improve your game. '
'What is understanding ? Understanding is knowing what is important and what you can ignore to simplify your problem. '
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
As i spiral down , down into its depths
Purity i seek and that i do not get
Bored as I am to climb the steps
Indiscreet enquiry fails to make sense
As i move closer to self-destruction
Unbearably numb , numb as i am dumb
I throw the key into my own abyss
No people , no comfort ,no crying
As I just want to sleep
A sweet lullaby is sung to me
when I am done , I shall sleep.
Monday, January 02, 2006
While leaving Hyderabad , the moon played its part by smiling ever so gently ... just a hint of a smile , a thin line in the sky ... WOW what a sight it was and what a great beginning !!!!