Confusion

I am confused. I cannot think straight. I cannot think. Or am I thinking too much. No control over myself. No control. Susceptible. I feel very susceptible. If the devil wanted my soul , he could perhaps so easily tempt me. I see that there is something more , but that something is not clear. Not clear at all. So I simply turn away and begin to believe that it does not exist. Simply because I do not understand it , does not mean it does not exist. I cannot wish away the truth. But do I want to ? May be some more understanding. Someone who can tell me what it means , and make things clearer , even if it is not true. What am I doing? Why am I writing this ? Why am I such a loser ? What is going on ?