Dawn in October

' What a tragedy ! ' , they all said. ' Rather unfortunate for such a young man so full
of spirit and goodness ' . And sad it was indeed . Ankit Roy was a technical entrepreneur who knew where to go and most importantly when to go . Largely successful in most of his ventures , he had made a name for himself in the industry at a fairly young age. And just when everything was going fine and life was all sunshine , his wife died .

I was hired to take care of Mr.Ankit. His was indeed the worst case I had seen in quite some time. I was told that they had been married for just about 4 months , that she was more than perfect for him and that they got along so well . ' Lord Shiva and Parvathi would have been jealous ' , the maid said . I am always very friendly with the household staff . They seem to have most of the information needed to help my patients.

They apparently met at a party hosted by Ankit's father to celebrate his sixtieth birthday . She was the daughter of an acquaintance and was , like most of the vernal populace in such parties , bored . That was when he noticed her , walking about.She stood apart , a lone streak of light on a dark night . They got talking and the rest is history . I saw a full picture of her hanging on the wall . She was definitely not what people would call a traditional beauty . But then , there was this quiet charm and grace which was quite unmistakable, even enchanting . The maid said that she was very kind to them , giving them nice presents on festival days and always treating them
with respect.

The loss hit Ankit very badly . He was totally shattered by this sudden cruel twist in his life. Jolted to an alternate reality by this sudden shock , he rarely spoke and was barely alive himself . He was not eating enough food and most of the times , we had to feed him intravenously to keep up his energy levels. I thought that the phase would pass in a month and that he would return to normalcy , but it seemed as though some part of his body was ripped from him and would never come back . His state remained hopeless . This was when I suggested that he be taken away from this house . His thoughts were torture enough ; he need not be reminded of
her externally .

So we went to this beautiful small house by the shores of a small lake . The house was set at an elevation, near the hills and the weather was close to perfect , maybe a tad too cold . It had two small bedrooms , a spacious hall and a chimney . The view of the hills from the window was breathtaking. The caretaker had maintained the house well and I thought it was just perfect . Ankit looked curious when we first brought him here , I thought I saw a flicker of recognition . But then , it reverted back to his empty gaze . His father told me he had searched long and hard
to find this house in the hills .

A month passed by . Ankit's state improved slightly , but not too much . He did eat more , and he started writing . He would spend hours by the window just gazing blankly , scribbling a few lines on to his pad now and then . This was the worst case I had seen to date . Can the loss of someone close affect a person so much ? Could it drive one to such a state of despair ? Apparently it could. Ankit's case was unique and it raised many questions . How could I help him come back ? A few days passed by , without much happening . Then one day , early in the
morning , I heard a sound and got up with a start . Ankit was very restless , tossing and turning in his bed , the night lamp lay broken on the floor . I happened to gaze out of the window and noticed that the light in the small dock near the lake was on and was flickering. The dock looked beautiful in the mist . It was a small open hut like structure with two benches . I thought it would be really nice to actually go out there , the sun would be up soon anyway . So on an impulse , I woke Ankit up , got him dressed and took him out to the dock .

He came without protest . The light in the hut had now , surprisingly gone off . The air was fresh and the scenery amazing . I took a deep breath , letting the air fill my lungs and freshness , my soul . The dulcet chirping of birds started and slowly, the deep black of the sky transformed to lighter shades of blue. Ankit sat on the bench , silently , looking out into the lake , clutching his handkerchief . I did not attempt to talk to him now . Silence seemed much more meaningful.

As we sat there , me drinking in the beauty, and Ankit staring far away , a beautiful yellow butterfly fluttered by . Ankit , seemed captivated by it . It came back , perched on his shoulder for a second and then fluttered away. Something changed in Ankit. I could see it. He got up , slowly and held the railing . A small tear rolled down his cheek as he gave me his handkerchief . It had a yellow butterfly embroidered on the bottom left corner. As the winter sun , slowly rose
and the mist lifted leaving minute drops of dew on our skins , he did something which he had not done in the two months I had been with him. He smiled.

--X--

PS: The above is part of the Creative Writing Assignment submitted by me . My Creative writing teacher rocks. I am so in love with her [:)] .

FIR

Fantastic Internet Radio .

Help improve the world. Do something useful. And when you are not involved in such pursuits , relax by listening to heart-warming music .

Check out Pandora .

It

It envelopes me.
It is ugly.
But I do not close my eyes.
It screams ,
The deranged screams of a maniac,
But I listen.
Its stench is revolting,
But I smell
And keep smelling .
Transfixed I stand ,
Like a zombie I follow ,
As it drags me towards eternal damnation.

No new posts !

Sorry , people who have been regularly visiting my small nondescript place on the web . I shall be back in a month .

PS : If you are here , you might as well leave a comment . I shall visit you soon :)

TAG ! - 8 things

"And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. " - Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

Tagged by Deepthi .

I have been asked to enlist 8 things not known to anybody . I'd rather call it 8 things not known to most .

1) I hide behind a mask all the time . Many people know Harish , but nothing about him .I am
slowly realising the stupidity of it all . Being more open of late and socialising better .

2) My social skills suck BIG TIME . So in gatherings , I usually shut up.The how do you do ?
How is your mother ? How is your grandmother ? How is your grandmother's younger brother's cousin's husband ? .... Just does not work for me . I just cant make day-to day conversation.Very pointless . My telephone conversations last , at max , 5 minutes . . except with my darling sister .

3) I have very few good friends , countable on the fingers ... of one hand .

4) I recently went out on a date ( technically atleast ) [ :P ] . And no , I shall not reveal any
more details , so Shhhh ! Secret !

5) I flip when I listen to a sweet voice . Sometime , someday , I hope and wish somebody will
sing to me and for me alone ala Before Sunset .

6) I have gone many a times to cinemas alone . Sunday evenings , sometimes , I just take off and go see a movie all by myself . Some of my friends find that very strange. I get totally involved
in movies and many times prefer to watch them alone , without any disturbance , in one
stretch . And , yes , I cry when some scene touches me ... like the scene in Patch Adams when he apologizes to her and reads her the Pablo Neruda peace ...

7) I look like a ruffian . Good for me :) . I love my beard and have , to date regretted it
everytime I shave it off . I feel much more comfortable with my beard ! Mebbe because I
look much better with most of my face covered [:P] .

8) Most of my life is like a periodic signum function ( Desperate attempt at pseud putting *) .
Suddenly I am king of all worlds and then again , suddenly a pointlessly depressed pebble .
I am slowly getting out of this stupidity and starting to lead a happier life . With age comes
wisdom [:P]

If you want to know more about me , you could always read the
20 things about me tag .

I tag

Hedonia Better do something about your URL !
MRL Came back recently to grace us with her presence [:)]
Swap who is now lost as lost can be .

Feel

Why do you look so sad , my lover
Why do you look so sad ?

Look at the deep dark sea
Swirling in restless tranquility
Look at the silver studded moon
Moving slowly yet too soon
Look at the the beauty of twilight
A transient breath of uncertainty
Look at me this moment
Thrown beyond happiness or pleasure
Beyond anything describable
By your touch and the feel of your breath

She smiled , the most beatific smile
and rested her head and her worries on my lap.

And we had a talk ...

Music comes in many many forms . Most of the time , though , of late , it has just become something routine which plays on your computer when you are home . Then suddenly , out of the blue , a piece just pulls you , tuggs at you and reminds you why music is such an inseperable part of the human soul . I had such an experience and this time it was a brilliant piece by none other than the maestro of Tamil music ; Ilayaraja .

The piece I am talking about is titled ' And we had a talk ' from his album ' How to name it ' . This album shows Ilayaraja's musical genius as he uses western classical influences , especially Bach , in an Indian context . Its a delight to listen to !

And we had a talk has a violin conversation in which the violin actually converses ! A true masterpiece . The first part is just way too awesome and I assure you ,will put you in a trance .
I have just come out of it , after listening to the piece a hundred thousand times . It is one of the gems of Indian music you should'nt miss.

Get a Life! (Part I)

Its office time! I love my plush new office, the fountain at the entrance, the well arranged parking space, but most of all I love my own personalized cubicle. It offers me the comfort of my own private space in a maze of cells. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Harish. If I were to introduce myself, Bond style, I'd probably say 'A glass of ginger-lime, shaken, not stirred. By the way, I’m Introverted, acutely Introverted. '

The dictionary defines an introverted person to be a person predominantly concerned with his/her own thoughts & feelings rather than with external things. It also says someone who is introverted is a shy inwardly thoughtful person. That’s exactly what I am and I am happy and contented. People are always talking about how they are so lonely and need company. Why? Why when you can do what you please with your imagination?

For example, the paper weight on my desk is sufficient entertainment for me. All I need to do is say paperweight and let my mind go! The paper weight is pyramidal in shape. Pyramids! Those sophisticated wonders of architecture; I should go to Egypt sometime and see them. If I go to Egypt, I should definitely visit the Sphinx. I have a question for the Sphinx! What was that fanatic thinking when he cut your nose off? And there five minutes of unlimited entertainment. Who needs people? There is so much to think! So much to visualize!

But then, today was one of the days when my imagination was not helping much. The paperweight looked just as it was, a plain transparent paperweight and I was soon bored. So, I decided to look around for more interesting objects. I stood up and then there she was. She looked gorgeous! Her hair was casually tied up, with a few strands trickling down her fair face . She stroked her neck, contemplating some matter of supreme importance and then, with a look of determination, started typing away on her keyboard.

I sat down and my imagination started kicking in. She looked regal and graceful. Maybe she could be the daughter of a count and me a young prince. They would organize a huge party and being the most eligible bachelor around, I would ask of her to dance with me. As the band played Tchaikovsky's ' Dance of the Swans ' we would dance and all other couples would look at us with envy. Then dinner would be served and she would be enchanted by my deep knowledge of the random motion of electrons .We would then sneak away to the terrace , where in the enchanting moonlight , my cell shall ring .It was my boss calling !

Better get going!

I never seemed to tire of her. Once, she was a Kuchipudi dancer, being tortured by her maternal uncle to marry him and then, she was an animal rights activist, fighting a losing battle with ruthless poachers to save the three horned rhinoceros. And always, I was there to help her out, save the day and live happily ever after. All I needed was one look at her and all these thoughts flowed automatically to keep me entertained.

One day, I got up to get my glimpse when she turned around and our eyes met. My heart started beating faster and I felt something hollow in my throat. This had never happened before! Not even in my imagination! It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. She then smiled a most charming smile, one that could melt a heart as hard as the material my paperweight was made of and then continued with her work. Life just got so much more interesting. Maybe I could ask her out sometime…

To be continued…

No more bullshit !

I am unhappy with my progress. So no more bullshit ! . I am going to change . Thats the bottom line.

Books - Tag !

Tagged by Solitary Reaper.

Book that changed my life : Every book changes your life. The question is how big a change are we talking about ? Real dramatic change ? None so far.

One book I'd want on a desert island : The BhagavathGita / Ramayana /Mahabharata :) .

One book that made me laugh :any Wodehouse ( wonder why I cant think of anything else ? )

One book that made me cry : Love Story ( The last line had its effect :( Dont blame me , it is my first mushy mushy read )

One book you wish had been written: 100 ways to torture yourself out of Laziness.

One book you wish had never been written : Any Harold Robbins . Geez ! Such stuff will make pornstars blush !

One book you are currently reading : Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder

Mostly consisting of dialogues between the titular Sophie Amundsen and a mysterious man named Alberto Knox, interwoven with an increasingly bizarre and mysterious plot, it acts as both a novel and a basic guide to Philosophy. Courtesy Wikipedia .

Book I have been meaning to read : The Romantic Manifesto ( Rand ) Rand's opinion on art and its purpose in human life.

Tagged !

The good thing and the bad thing about tags is that you don't have to think too much :)

Tagged by Sid.
Sid's link led me to the Bad English Contest , which I eventually won. Thanks dude !

I a’m thinking about: Whether I will ever be able to reclaim my self-confidence in Acad related matters .

I said: Be good , do good and punch that egotistical snob on his face.

I want to: Go on atleast one perfect date before I am 25 . Not too hopeful though . I seem to have too much female repellant on me .

I wish: I could stop procrasting. Its hurting me bad . Real bad.

I hear: Norah's soft cooing . Love her songs.

I wonder: If people will ever realise that life is such a wonderful gift and stop cribbing. (Atleast those people to whom life has been good.It probably has if you are reading this. )

I regret: Having stopped singing and learning Classical music when my voice broke. Ill regret that forever.

I am: A sentimental romantic fool who is confused about most things in his life.

I dance: When I am extremely happy and nobody else is around . I am extremely self-conscious.

I sing: well . Atleast used to . I like to hum the tunes of different ragas my own way . Create my own music.

I cry: whenever there is emotion in scenes involving the arts - music and dance . I was crying like a baby in those scenes in the Titanic where these musicians decide to walk away and then regroup . * Boo hoo*

I make with my hands: Music on my Keyboard .

I write: Only when I am inspired or need to put pseud ;) .

I confuse: some of my close friends because of my pseudo-oscillatory behaviour.

I need: Cash . Lots of it :)

I tag :

Swap
MRL
Humesh Anna
Deeps
Hedonia

I Rule ! Again

I am bad .. I am bad .. You know it ! You know it !

Well , After SAARANG 2005 , my bad bad brains needed a little flexing .
So I won the Bad English Writing Competition .

THANK YOU ! Mr. Bombay Addict .


My Entry in full :

The Matrix - A Revew

This movie it be one of my favorite.It has action like my hero Dharmendhar who also fly and escape any bullet which come my way.They have very cool name like Neo , Morphus and Trinty. . Morphus has deep voice and also speak very good dialoges by himself.My favourite dialogue is him saying do you eat red pill or will swallow blue pill to Neo. Morphus is so sofsticated and poise and panache but Neo look like he dont know what happening . Sometime I feel like getting up and kicking his mud head into sense. The movie I dont understood but action good ,so I see movie many many time.Agent Smith who is secret agent like James Bond but have no cool number like 007.I highly recomends movie for action liking peoples because action be made in Amrica studio and is very good."



PS : The Matrix Rocks ! Forgive me Trinity if you are reading this :)

I RULE !

Ode to a friend

A gentle touch , a comforting word
A hug and a pat , worth the world
A bond only love transcends
Thank you , for being my friend

- Harish

Hope of Love

I am a romantic , a believer in the ideal
What will she say ? What will she say ?
Will I find love ? I sometimes wonder ,
Love is a powerful word .

If seeking love gives ecstacy in itself
How much more wonderful it would be
To have her close by, as she is now in my heart
Imagination does not help me now

Will the rose be a 'rose' if not for love
A morning dew on its soft petal
Adds melancholy to my loneliness
As I seek and want and desire

A hand to hold , her lips to kiss,
eyes to express and a heart to feel
What joy it fills me with,
The sweet hope of love .

-- Harish Suryanarayana

-

Its dark outside , really dark . I have seen this kind of dark only in my dreams . You know those dreams in which there isnt actually anything and it is just dark, an all-pervading dark you wish there were some light but it does not come . You want to wake up but you cant . Your body is immobile but your mind is working .Its thinking all kinds of shitty stuff .I wonder... How? Why ? . I shout shut up but no . It wont listen . It just wont listen . What do I do ? What do I do ? I need tranquility but I cant find it anywhere . Life's a rush and sleep is torture . Why ?

A View

Yesterday , I had to go the Chennai Central Railway station to see my dad off . The route i usually take is to go to Guindy from IIT and then use the local train service to get to park . Unfortunately for me , the time of departure of the train was set at 2000 hrs . Me being the introverted , IIT is the only place inm Chennai kind of fellow , did not realize what an ordeal it would be to travel on the metros during peak hours . On reaching Guindy , the line for taking the ticket itself was a mile long . That apart , the platform was also full . Apparently ,no train had come by for the past 15 minutes . As I stood helplessly for about 10 more minutes amongst a mass of humanity . The guy standing next to me at station kept emptying the respectable contents of his mouth on to the railway track . Then the train arrived . It was already full of people . I was starting to feel sick now . How many people ? But as i huffed and puffed and pushed my way into the train , I was able to find an isolatde spot where people wont disturb me . Thank God for that . But when I did get down at the Park station , did I get a photosnap moment . Hundreds of people heads bobbing up and down in motion in that small street . Am I also one of them ? Yes. It felt different . A new feeling of what do I say ? I am unable to put it in words . But the thing is sometimes ,when you go out of your cocooned protected world , you do get shocked .
There is so much pain and suffering in the world . Cripples , visually challenged people trying to make a living and live a decent life . We should all be so happy that we atleast have what we have . It is our duty to perform our duties , to ourselves first , then to family , country and humankind .


PS : Back to blogger after a brief stint at Yahoo! Answers .Its pretty cool !

My internship !

Yes ! Its true .. I have been working ! I have been slogging my a** off . Yes sir . I have an approximately 10 hour work day with 2 hrs of travel . To think this is how my life is going to be in the future is pretty scary . I have been pretty busy people and I am tired . My blog has become rather redundant . I shall try to do something about it . Goodnight .. yaaaawn

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

- Kalidasa

Fear

I had a dream . A dream if I may call it a dream . I know not in what dimension I exist . I know not if I do exist itself . I am lying down in a white light . A ghostly pale white light . I know not what is happening . Is this an expression of my ignorance ? Of my stupidity ? And suddenly three babies appear from above , a place I cannot see . But they are not actually babies . They just have that form . As they come closer , I wonder what ey want .And slowly , they start eating me . I cannot feel their bite . I cannot move . But they are taking something away . Something I do not want to give them , something which is inherently mine . My soul ? My ego ? And I scream . I scream for them to let go . No ! they shall not stop . They shall not stop till whatever they want is fully taken and I be left empty of that thing .

We

Yes I am a man
Yes I am one
By the time you are ready ,
I'd be done


I work real hard
At my own rate
To bring happiness
To my mate


The look on her face
When she does see
How hard I work
To make her happy


She cooks my meal
Which I greatly relish
She has made me my
Most favourite dish


We understand each other
We know we care
I love her more
Than i can dare


In my power what I can
I will do
To be with her
I know she will too


She is my own
Protect her I will
Till my very last breath
Makes me lay still.


PS : This is inspired by

Amritha's poem.

Though I started off with a different goal in mind , it generally veered , as usual ,to my blumbering , blubbering romantic inclinations .Time spent : 10 minutes . I wonder if I am in love or something these days. I dont even know what that is ... Scary !

You never always get what you want .

It is important at times to maintain a balanced attitude towards life . Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you dont . It has to be accepted . These trivialities should not affect your balance and cool . That is a very important lesson that I have learnt . Do what you can to get the best possible result and be happy with what you get . Be balanced .

PS : I needed to write ths because it is important for me to keep my cool at this present moment and not give up something I have been working really hard for . God help me .

Aroma

It was a fine Wednesday morning . I was , as usual , sitting on my favourite park-bench and doing what I do to while away the little time I have left on this planet , observe people . I find people so alike , yet so different . It is these infinite variations I find and the fact that there is always something new , that drives me . I have always detested being staid . But when you are 70 , and are living more or less alone , you tend to get accustomed to habit . My hobby was a welcome change to my otherwise mundane life .

As I started unfolding my paper to go through what has happened in the past few hours in the world , I saw a nice smart car on the road . Nice cars are rather rare to see in this area and I was curious as to why this particular car came this way . The car was parked and out stepped a young executive with a petite young girl . I assumed that they had met quite recently and got along pretty well , as he was courteous and was trying to attend to her every need . Just like me , relationships need something new .

They entered the local baker's store . I was guessing that they were just passing by and needed some refreshments . The aroma of our bakery is another thing altogether . Some joggers have told me that they take this route sometimes to experience the smell of its fresh baked cookies . There are some feelings which we cannot describe in words . A wish , the beauty of the moon , the gentle caress of your lover and the smell of freshly baked cookies .

It is not very difficult to please a sensible woman . I believe all it takes is some interesting conversation , sweet music and respect . Life could either be simple or complicated . It is your choice , your decision . People get all worked up to achieve , to be praised , to earn and lose out on the simple niceties of life . I lost out too . But I dont regret anything now . Regret only hurts . My work has given me a decent pension to live a moderate life and the strength to be able to sit on this comfortable park bench . As I fold my newspaper and walk past the bakery store , I take deep breath . Filled with happiness unknown and a sweet feeling of ease , I make make my way back to my cottage .

Thank You !

Flowers to all my wonderful friends . Thank you for being a part of my life :) .

My Immortal - Evanescence

It is a gift to be able to add a visual plane to music which actually elevates your emotional experience . This particular song , apart from being hauntingly addictive , has a brilliantly crafted video . Call it my fascination for black and white , but the lack of colour seems to add more meaning and feeling to the video . Amy Lee's voice is really something , powerful , yet not harsh . The song also brings out the beauty of the sound of the piano . An all in all absorbing song . Do have a look at the video .

PS : Please suggest songs with a similar premise if you know any . I am a sucker for sad love songs .

Thinking and hoping ...

A small traditional house with a courtyard ,on the shores of the mighty Bay Of Bengal .He sits on the porch and smells the see breeze .As the air fills his lungs , afeeling of contentment spreads through his body .Small lights glow in the distance .Ships ,sailing off to far away lands , visiting far away places . How beautiful they looked , as they flickered in the distance , complementing the stars in the sky . The moon shone brilliantly ,dazzling any soul who laid his eyes on her . He felt a delicate touch on his shoulder and as he turned and looked at her he knew , at that moment , what paradise was . In the silence they shared , in her beautiful captivating eyes , that hint of a smile on her face ,her dark long hair ,he lost himself as tears of joy flowed down his cheek and in that moment , he experienced true bliss .

1+2+3+3+2+1

After almost two weeks of hectic quizzes , I am back !! This occured in class . After my B slot( Digital Signal Processing ) Quiz , we were sitting sitting in class and the all charismatic Ramlingam Sir started to discuss the solutions .

First question(by ramli) : How did you do your exams ?

Class : *Gen chatter* People are happy exam was easy


I thought I had done pretty well in my exam and as usual , was sitting in the first bench . As sir solved some problem on board , I was nodding my head as I 'thought' i had done that sum right . Then suddenly , I find Ramli Sir looking at me . He had probably seen me nodding my head .there was a tinge of amusement and sarcasm on his face as he started to nod his head the other way !!
I was totally confused now .. I had done that problem perfeclty right . I had put down the same steps . What is going on ? Ramli sir clearly notices the confusion in my face .

The last step to the solution was 1+2+3+3+2+1 = 12 .

He calmly turns around , writes a 9 and points his finger at me mockingly . ' Why did you not not use your calculator ? ' as the whole class bursts into laughter !

I have not been more embarassed than this ever ! Man , does life rock !!

The BEST page in the universe !! { Link }

Do NOT click on this link unless you have atleast an hour of free time , 'cos I can assure you that you'll be hooked .

CLICK HERE :)

PS) Maddox rules !!!

I rule !!!

I won the Creative Writing - Day 4 ( Titbits ) event at Saarang 2006 . Am I good or what !
Numero Uno baby !! Yay !!

Coming up soon : My Creative Writing - Day 3 ( Poetry ) entry at Saarang 2006 .

My Creative Writing entry

Saarang is here and there are lots of girls and lots of noise and lots of wannabes and i just sometimes laugh at them ... hrrrmph . I am pretty irritated with it this time .. i do not know for what reason . Damn it .. Anyway , one of the main motivations for me to take part in the Creative Writing competition this time was the fact that i could post it all in my blog . Sounded like a good idea at that time ... *sigh* .


The Question : ACP Rathod is woken up at the middle of the night and informed about a dead body found in a deserted street . It is that of a woman and the only thing found along with her is a handbag with a note which says ' Do not exceed your welcome ' . Her left ring finger has been cut-off . Improvise .


My Answer :


The first time i saw him , I remember being filled with a strange kind of dread . You experience some feelings rarely and it is often these feelings that you do not forget . As I slump down to the floor in ACP Rathod's office ,I recall the events that lead to his tragic fate. It rains and thunders outside as his motionless silhouette sits by the window .

I was assigned to ACP Rathod about a month ago. He was one of the most brilliant officers ever to be on the force . He had single handedly cracked many ' unsolvables ' . I must say for myself that I was not bad either and the more I got to know him , the more i respected him . But ACP Rathod was a troubled man . He never drank and never smoked . He told me one day , ' I will never smoke because a rational man would not knowingly destroy his precious irreplaceable organs . I will never drink because I am trying damn hard to control my mind. I would not dare to let it loose. I fear its power . '

It was a night , three days ago , when he walked into the bar I frequent . I was surprised at that time but welcomed his company . He had a problem he said , as he drank his brandy .
I discovered that day , what a troubled man ACP Rathod was . His wife left him a year ago and had taken the only thing in his life which was more precious to him than his work , his daughter . He was 35 years old , single and confused but always extremely meticulous with his work . He never smiled and always looked stressed out . But he did not tell me what his problem was that day and I let it go at that . Some people just need somebody to talk to sometimes .


I was woken up at midnight by a call from my boss. He had recieved news of the dead body of a woman lying in a deserted part of the street .

12:20 AM : I reach the office and find that the light in Mr.Rathod's room is on . I grab a cup of coffee from the coffee machine to get my mind working and climb the stairs to his room . I see him twirling a pen in his hand in a characteristic fashion and trying to work out something on his pad.

12:30 AM : We reach the crime scene to find the body of a well dressed woman , about the age of 25. She had been strangled to death and her left ring finger had been cut-off . The police were already there on the scene before us , and had found a piece of paper in her handbag which said ' do not exceed your welcome ' .

01:00 AM : After convincing myself that there were no other clues around , I look around for Mr. Rathod. He was sitting on the other corner of the street and it looked like he had found something. It was a handkerchief and had a name ' Woody ' stitched on it and there were marks of blood . He had found the severed finger wrapped in it.
I remembered to have seen that name somewhere , but i was unable to place it . But what was more intriguing was the look on his face . He looked like he was about to cry , anguish and pain and uncertainty . Then , as he saw me next to him , his expression immediately changed to his usual frown .

01:20 AM : We leave the scene and bid each other goodbye . I go back to my room and feel very uncomfortable . I had seen the name Woody written somewhere. As i am unable to sleep , i get up to wash my face . As the cold water splattered on my face , I just remembered where i had seen it ! Mr. Rathod had written a poem and had shown it me

In heavens arms shall I sleep
For peace this world does not bring
To you , I need to come
Lord , execute me once

and it had been signed Woody !!!!


02:40 AM : I run like a madman to his office . I do not know what has taken me over . It was a feeling of something bad about to happen , something terrible . My gut feeling was never wrong and i ran . I ran to him . I ran because i did not know what else to do . And just as I was about to enter the building , I heard a loud BANG ! A gunshot ! The sound made me freeze on the spot.

0300 AM : I slowly climb the stairs and enter his room , my gun drawn to find him dead on his desk , gun in hand . He had blown his brains out . I was flabbergasted and did not know what to do . I found his scribbling pad in which the following had been scribbled .


DO NOT EXCEED YOUR WELCOME

LORD EXECUTE ME ONCE , WOODY


It was an anagram !!!!

The next day morning , I find out that the woman who had been killed was his wife . His kid had been killed in a car accident while playing outside her house and her mother was on the phone four days ago. That night at the bar , he had taken a few drinks and in a fit of insanity ,driven over to her place and killed her . He had been so taken over by rage that only after seeing her dead body ,three days later did he realise what he had done . She had taken away from him the only thing that mattered . As Red says in the Shawshank Redemption , " Every man has his breaking point " , and this was his .


PS : Junta , sorry if this leaves you a bit pained :) But this was written in 3 hours time , the first one hour of which went into figuring out the anagram .

Heil Karmalkar !!!

If there was one thing I was not satisfied with in IIT , it was the teaching. Many of the 'profs' seemed to look upon teaching as a burden . Then entered the charming , handsome stud Device Modelling prof Dr Shreepad Karmalkar . Its a pleasure listening to him and he is the perfect ' model ' of what a prof should be . Some of his gems ...

' Life is just a set of iterations. You try something out , check if it works , and then iterate to get something better'

'Modelling is like a game of chess . Just knowing how each piece moves does not ensure that you can win the game. You slowly develop expertise and improve your game. '

'What is understanding ? Understanding is knowing what is important and what you can ignore to simplify your problem. '

------

Sometimes , it feels like prison to me . Only there are no walls , no bars , no offence . You are free , they say . You are free to do what you please .... But are you ? I think man likes to be bound . The second they say you are free , he starts tying himself up with his own ropes . He starts limiting his possibilities ,he starts becoming un-free . Life throws many things at us .. But the cruellest thing is time . No matter how happy and how well fit , there is always this doubt ... ' could it have been done better ? Why did I Not do that ? Oh God wish I could go back . ' Any intelligent person would definitely have thought that , some time or the other . So I beg myself to live now .... to DO now ... because later I should not regret not having done it well , or not having done it at all ...

Inescapabilities

I fall again into my mind
As i spiral down , down into its depths
Purity i seek and that i do not get
Bored as I am to climb the steps

Indiscreet enquiry fails to make sense
As i move closer to self-destruction
Unbearably numb , numb as i am dumb
I throw the key into my own abyss

No people , no comfort ,no crying
As I just want to sleep
A sweet lullaby is sung to me
when I am done , I shall sleep.

Nice Beginning

Nothing like Home ... No place ever . After a six day sojourn at my 'favouritest' place in the whole universe , my home in Hyderabad , I am back in IIT , refreshed and ready to take on the new semester . My mum, like always , pampered me as much as she could . A cool fireworks display at midnight , thanks to some rich dude who lives near my place , the beautiful view of the lighted overbridge which still makes me want to stare at it and admire it , a child's innocent thankful smile in the train which made my heart beat faster and jump and soar with joy , boy i had a great time .
While leaving Hyderabad , the moon played its part by smiling ever so gently ... just a hint of a smile , a thin line in the sky ... WOW what a sight it was and what a great beginning !!!!