New Year Resolution Post

This year is going to be one fantastic rollercoaster ride ! Adrenalin all the way ! Atleast I hope so :|
So here are my totally unrealistic, hyperbolic aims for 2008.

1) Academics - One IEEE journal paper out of my final year dual degree project.
2) Music a) Be able to perform at least 10 songs on my out-of-the-world Yamaha PSR295 synthesizer.
3) Music b) Sing well enough to please my Carnatic music teacher mami. And practice everyday.
4) Mind Maintenance a) Write regularly and more importantly write well. Update blog regularly :)
5) Mind Maintenance b) Read at least one novel a month.
6) Body - Reduce the slowly growing spherical aberration in my abdominal area to a plane.
7) Sports - Play table-tennis and chess at least twice a week.
8) Crib - Stop cribbing about not having a love life ;) .

8 aims for 2008 ! Go Harish !

Happy New Year everyone !!! 

You

Time drifts by
flotsam on a slow river
nowhere to go, nothing to achieve
existing to exist.

My soul is hungry
depleted and lonely
A single tree facing
a vehement storm
my leaves fall away
one by one.

The sunset
a distant horizon
and all I can do
is sit and think
about you.

- Harish Suryanarayana.

Musings in desperation

-----------------------
In deep sleep
her hand touches my lip
a shiver
-----------------------
distant thoughts
I hug her pillow
smell of jasmine
-----------------------
intertwined hands
many waves
one golden moon
-----------------------
Harish Suryanarayana

Jai Hind

Its a bittersweet symphony, this life ...

This post is about this fantastic fantastic song by The Verve - "Bittersweet Symphony". Before continuing, I would urge you to have a look at the video.

Now that you have seen it, and enjoyed it, if you paid enough attention, you will observe that it is a beautiful commentary on how to live your life. In the beginning of the video, Richard Ashcroft looks up, a small prayer to the Almighty before he begins his journey. And then he starts walking and does not stop. This is a plea for persistence. Irrespective of what comes your way, once you decide on something, you keep going. Some people will bar your way, some move away and few more create trouble. What is important is that you keep going without losing steam. The masterstroke is when the car goes by and he looks at his reflection. This is to indicate that sometimes when you have to stop, use the time for introspection and then keep going. If you can just do that, if you have the will and the tenacity to follow through, people will automatically notice you and follow you. You can be an inspiration in this bittersweet symphony called life.

Three

Photo courtesy : T J Karthik - an absolute stud and an awesome friend. Check out his photo collection at PhotoGlot. Thats me to the extreme right with the 'Jolna Pai ' :) . Photo at Besant Nagar Beach.

The weird thing tag

Tagged by Crescent a long long time ago.

I am to write about eight weird things about myself. Well, here goes [:)]

8) I like clean ears. I keep cleaning my ears every few hours. I know its not a good thing, but weird it is.

7) I can spot spelling/grammatical mistakes faster than most of my friends. It kinda jumps out at me and I cannot stand them.

6) I work best on the things that do not matter like my GRE instead of working on my fantastic project. I always do better on pass-fail courses than on graded ones.

5) I am a masochist to the core. Even if there are no problems, I create imaginary ones and wallow in sorrow.

4) I am obsessed with improving myself but end up pained again because of my laziness. If only I could kick that habit of procrastinating ! This is not very weird but I'd put it here anyway.

3) I like shouting out loud songs like "Tub-thumping" by Chumbawamba and "Take a look around " by Limp Bizkit to get a natural high. It works !

2) I listen to every kind, every genre of music. Carnatic to heavy metal, jazz to Hindustani instrumental. I frown at those people who say one is better than the other. Listen to what you enjoy !

1)


:P Weird !

The denouement

Okay, so I am free [:)] I am free from the endless hours going through long lists of words. Words like obstreperous , braggadocio , libretto and many more. I am done with the vacuous and inane formality know as the GRE or the Graduate Record Examination.

---------------------------------

Name : Harish Suryanarayana

Score :

Quant: 800 Verbal: 710

----------------------------------

Life is good. I am happy, more because this score ( which I think is pretty decent ) is the outcome of about a month of work, the last week being particularly strenuous. It slowly consumed me till I was practically doing nothing else. My guide at college was not happy at all.
Was it worth it?

Absolutely !

Ill never forget the poignant moment when I was my sister's status message after I told her about the result - " My brother rocks ! "

Only once one has known real sadness can one feel true happiness.

The study of human emotions is a complex and interesting task.Though it can be highly subjective, since different people have different experiences, certain aspects can give us a holistic understanding.Humans live their lives based on comparisons. I firmly believe that only by knowing what is bad can one know what is good; only if you know real sadness,can you feel true happiness.Firstly, many rituals and cultural traditions involve feeling sadness or mourning.These may indicate an understanding amongst our ancestors that perhaps we should gain knowledge if suffering as well.Secondly,it can be seen that the definition of happiness and sadness have an inherent connection.It is my contention that happiness cannot truly exist without its dear morose friend,sadness.

The Greeks had a certain deep affection for tragedies and tragic plays. They wished to imbibe 'pathos' into their souls.They seem to have realized that to know sorrow would perhaps help them understand happiness.The Japanese have a special festival where they mourn the loss of leaves and flowers during autumn.Many instances like this can be found in world history where the populace desire to feel sorrow. This is perhaps a reaction to knowing that only by balance, only by knowing knowing the Yin, can the Yang be understood.

The fundamental concept of happiness comes under question without sadness.How can happiness be defined ? This definition is extremely subjective and can vary from person to person. For some, it might mean monetary success and for others happiness could be finding the one they love and sharing their lives with them.However, sadness has a more general definite form. Pain and suffering seem to be more general and have a clearer definition . Though the lack of sadness cannot be equated to happiness, it is definitely one of the prerequisites of happiness.

It is often said that it is in sadness and pain that a person's character is shaped.With millions of people dying without food,water and the basic amenities required for a decent life, people with these facilities should realise how fortunate they are. In the hustle-bustle of today's materialistic world, it is easy to overlook our blessings. Only when we know and realise the pain so many fellow humans suffer, can we appreciate the wonderful life we have been bestowed.It is my contention that indeed, only once one has known real sadness can one feel true happiness.

PS: I wrote this essay in the stipulated 45 minutes for my GRE. Feel free to give me your inputs on how to improve it.

Delusion

Mind maurauded
looted,raped
Stop this futile addition of zeros
Stop this programming
Mindless hours of decadence.

Consumerism !
You have to own a car!
You have to own a house!
Why ?

Redefine your life.
Society! Shut up !
Stop feeding me your execrable ideals
People all sheep !
All sheep fighting to own more.
Look at yourselves and weep

For where there could have been
a happy musician
now stands,
a haggard zombie in a suit
Is your coat and your car
enough for you?
In your final eight minutes
I assure you, friend
You'd live your life again
and when the time comes
to decide,
You will choose without hesitation
What you want! What YOU want!

This internecine struggle
between heart and mind
This is Maya. This is delusion
Throw it away. Cast it aside
and you have
YOU! You have GOD.

- Harish Suryanarayana

25 things I want to do/experience before I die

25. I want to see loved ones get genuinely teary eyed when I achieve what I plan to.

24. I want to be able to spend a whole night camping in some remote place with my special one.

23. I want to give a full fledged Carnatic concert to family and friends.

22. I wish to own a grand piano and be able to play it well enough to impress myself.

21. I want to go sky diving. Feel gravity. Feel the earth pulling me towards her.

20. I want my first kiss to feel magically divine.

19. I want to feel achievement again. JEE result time was the only time I really felt exhilaration. I want that feeling once more at least.

18. I want to feel my six pack abs. I want her to feel my six pack abs.

17. I want to see my mom and dad tension free, leading a carefree life.

16. I want to be my sister's kid's favourite uncle. *

15. I wish to be able get out of bed when I feel like. This has been the toughest thing for me.

14. I want to sketch and paint. I want to create works of art which make people think.

13. I want to speak French and Sanskrit. Both languages totally kick ass.

12. I want to get high. Once. Just to see what my strange little mind can conjure. My dreams are weird enough.

11. I want to gift my sis something invaluable when she least expects it .

And thats all I can think of for now.. Strange ! I thought I could hit 25 peacefully !!

Creepy !

Imagine you are sitting at the end of a dark corridor. You are on a rocking chair and the only light visible is a tubelight at the far end and even that flickers, throwing waves of light suddenly and taking it away with equal ease. You cannot move and are somehow stuck to the rocking chair. It is rocking slowly, to and fro, to and fro.The wind is blowing slowly but is strong enough to make an uneasy Shhhing sound as it weaves its way past the trees. The breeze is unusually cold. And then, you listen to the soundtrack of Rosemary's baby !!

Creepy ! ! !

PS: I first listened to this soundtrack in mid-afternoon and still got creeped out. How do they come up with such beautiful expressions of emotion?

Dirt

There is dirt in my mind,
Dirt, like that grease stain
on a pure white shirt
It is pure white no more,
however hard I scrub.
It is just there, ugly
hurting me, hurting itself
for I might give up
and rather than wear it,
throw it away.

My first music class in 7 years !

Retro Mode:

Class VI to Class IX - Harish! Why he is the lead singer of the school's choir team.
Class X - Harish! He was the lead singer of the school's choir team.


It was during that transitory period in class X. You are not too sure what is happening around you.
And then suddenly you cannot sing anymore. My voice broke when I was in class X and it was then that I stopped learning Carnatic Music. Biggest mistake of my life. Now I am going to set things right again. I had my first class and after hearing me sing, my new guru decided to start me off on the Varnams. Totally awesome result ! Did not want to do the Swarajathis again. I am so happy

Year V - IITM : Harish has started learning music again !

Stirrings

Well, today I had a spiritual moment. A beautiful beautiful moment which seemed to last forever. And it came out of the blue. After a nice dinner - paruppu podi saadam, my favourite, I cycled back to my room and suddenly I wanted to to listen to Whisperings. My favourite internet radio station. The weather here in Chennai was surprisingly perfect, cool breeze, trees swaying and making their shhhhhhes. Then as the soulful notes of a tune played in my room, all suddenly became quiet. No breeze, no note and then just one or two perfect notes slowly. It was beautiful! I sat there stunned by the absolute pure radiance of the moment. It is these type of experiences which add some meaning to this confusing life, giving us hope of something higher, of beauty and peace, of God.

Dirty World

I live in my world.
Let me live and dream
Of butterflies and sweet sunshine
Of buns filled with luscious cream

Why do you want to ruin
This illusion, though not true
By images of gruesome murder
By people with blood not red, but blue

I am but a speck of dust
With the power to imagine
That I am greater than myself
That its paradise I am in.

But you prove to me
Again and again, you perverts
You shove your dirty images
You hit me where it hurts

Get away from me! dirty world
I puke when I see the ugliness
Let me make my own movie
Let me live in my senselessness


Harish.S

Going from a 7 to a 10

*self help* I know, I know .Most of you reading this would stop reading after the first two words. But this guy here does give some real sound advice. I am stuck at a very very comfortable 7. I am mediocre in many of the things that I do. I realize that and I want to change. Doing some motivational reading can help when you are stuck. Check out Steve Pavlina.

Ashima

You drive me crazy
My love, is not pure clarity insanity as well ?
I do not know why we are here
I do not know what is good and what is bad.
All I know, is that I love you
And today I hold your hand as it moves
millions of tiny random motions over mine
And as your breath caresses my chest
All boundaries are shattered, my love
I know, for sure,without any doubt
That you exist and I exist
And we, are one.

Tarantino at SBI - IITM

Just today, I went to the SBI - State Bank of India, IIT Madras branch for some passbook related work. I needed a change of address to apply for a passport {next post} , and I saw the security guards carrying these huge rifles slung across their shoulders. I had wait for a few minutes to get my work done and my unstable, restless mind naturally started imagining scenarios. I should also tell you, in advance, that I had been re-watching Kill Bill II, that fantastic movie by Quentin Tarantino a hundred times as I do usually with most movies I like. So, I just wondered how the scene of this bank being robbed would be filmed by Quentin.

__________________________________________________
Chapter '0' - Robbery at the Indian Bad Service Bank.


Its a dark day and it is raining outside. There is a puddle in the mud just outside the bank. A small one and it reflects the SBI board upside down when suddenly, a brilliantly polished boot lands on it and walks past. Camera zoom out, and we see three guys impeccably clad in suits from Savile Row. All three are wearing black and all look almost exactly alike but not quite ( Imagine agents in The Matrix) . The guy walking in front has a small crack on his coolers which comes into focus as he turns to enter the building. Also the other two have two samurai swords which they are holding with their left hand to the back. Now they enter the bank one by one , the first one going straight to the counter. He pulls out two shining silver GLOCK pistols , holds it sideways simultaneously pointing it to the head of the woman at the counter and just holds it there . The other two men pull out their swords and simultaneously slice and dice the two guards. The main guy now talks to the lady, he says in a deep gruff voice - ' Excuse me for barging in on you like this miss, but you see I am in a terrible hurry. I dont quite like killing people but it turns out that it is the best past time when you are made to wait. You get where I am getting at ? So will you make me wait or fucking show me some green ? '

Now people shart shouting and running and the man, the main guy , shouts out loud - ' All you motherfuckers - Pardon the language - stay where you are and dont move unless you want to be squished like rotten tomatoes'. Just when he ends it, a girl standing near a display of fruits and vegetables, squishes a fine red tomato she is holding in her hand. Now at the far end the door opens and a guard enters. He realizes what is happening and suddenly finds that his rifle is not loaded. So he fishes out the bullet from the case and loads it into his gun, but he has been spotted and one of the samurai come rushing at him .. In slow motion, he aims the gun at the samurai making a full 90 degree sweep and fires. The camera follows the bullet and just before it hits the samurai he jumps. The bullet moves past the samurai and gives us a back view as he slices the guard's head off in one swift motion while still in the air. The main guy frowns and says to the lady at the counter - ' That, my young lady, is what happens when you try to be a hero.Your heads gets chopped off'.

He smiles and removes his glasses and we see that he has only one eye. At the place of the other, there is just empty space. She looks at him petrified and hands over the cash. ' Thank you', he says. 'The service at this bank is pretty fast. Perhaps, I should open an account here' and tilts his head, as he replaces the GLOCK pistols in his pockets and walks out. The other two men follow . He waits till they reach their car. A smashing new Audi A5 which also has a small crack in the right corner of its wind shield . The car's doors open . The main guy sits
at the back while his minions sit forward and they vroom away, leaving a trail of flying leaves in their wake.

_______________________________________________________

Questions

It is for moments of joy,those random sparks , that we trudge through this mundane greyness.
When will the fog lift ?
Is it fog or is it my eyes ?
Or my mind ?
Why do we keep walking and not bother to look at where we are going ?

Confusion

I am confused. I cannot think straight. I cannot think. Or am I thinking too much. No control over myself. No control. Susceptible. I feel very susceptible. If the devil wanted my soul , he could perhaps so easily tempt me. I see that there is something more , but that something is not clear. Not clear at all. So I simply turn away and begin to believe that it does not exist. Simply because I do not understand it , does not mean it does not exist. I cannot wish away the truth. But do I want to ? May be some more understanding. Someone who can tell me what it means , and make things clearer , even if it is not true. What am I doing? Why am I writing this ? Why am I such a loser ? What is going on ?

No Reasons

I love you not , for your looks
demi-goddess that you are
enchanting the mortal world

I love you not , for your innocent smile
which can in one simple curve
show me the meaning of existence .

I love you not , for the twinkle in your eye
a hint of mischief ,
like a dash of chocolate on vanilla

I love you not , for your talk
a voice which can melt
the un-meltable.

I love you because you are , and I am .

Sorry !

Aah! What a fine day to meet
The movie for today was Happy Feet
She was coming , to a movie with me
She was coming , to the OAT

I walked to the theater , fine evening sun
Bought tickets and awaited an evening of fun
At seven and thirty , disaster struck
She might not make it , at home she was stuck

Told her it was okay if she came late
Told her lets go , I will wait
Called her up more times than I should
Eager beaver , IITian , Ob I would

She couldn't make it , even if late
I was alone , stranded , at Vel's gate
Disappointed , I messaged my friend
A consoling pat , mebbe he could lend

"She is not coming man" , I lamented
"40 bucks down the drain , wasted "
I sent him the message , but the report said
I had sent her the message instead !!!

Sorry Miss K , I know that was cheap
Look, I am cursing myself now , bleep bleep bleep
I hope you laugh at this stupid rhyme
And gimme a chance to make up , sometime .

Only for you ( My song)

In the deep recesses of my mind
you dwell
far far away
tucked away safe , only for me

In the deep recesses of my mind
twirling slowly
in the grey haze
the violin plays , only for me

In the deep recesses of my mind
silence reigns
a distant gaze
a tear , only for me

In the deep recesses
In the deep recesses of mind
I yearn and I cry ... only for you
only for you , only for you .

Harish.S

Success

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory is a benediction.
- Anon

Guru - A Review

Rating : 7 /10

Guru is a story about a village boy who after a brief stint working abroad starts his own business in India and makes a huge success out of it. He is helped initially by the editor of a newspaper , a role played really well by Mithun Chakraborty. Later on , Guru starts employing unlawful means for business development and uses Mithun's paper as a medium to brow-beat competitors when he is away on vacation. Mithun-da gets mad and decides to turn the tables on Guru . Enter Madhavan , a bright young reporter investigating Guru's enterprise . Vidya Balan is his love interest and Mithun's daughter . Oh yes ! Aishwarya Rai is Abhishek's wife , Sujata , who is the dutiful perfect wife we see in so many Hindi movies . The movie ends with a 4.5 minute speech by Abhishek, during an enquiry into his nefarious ways, which totally and absolutely fails to deliver .

The first half of the movie is interesting and holds your interest , but the build up falls apart as the second half progresses. Abhishek Bacchan does a decent job as Guru delivering lines such as ' Lado to guru ki tarah par yaad rakhna ki guru sirf ek hi hai ' without looking over-pompous . Aishwarya Rai cannot dance . Or Mani Ratnam has asked her to not dance too well because she is after all a 'gaon ki ladki' which then ,is very good acting, but I really do doubt that . Mallika Sherawat's item number oozes oomph - very sexy . The lady does expose and how ! Vidya Balan and Madhavan have small roles which are essayed well and with confidence. The cinematography is obviously fantastic , Maniratnam and Rajiv Menon really deliver on that count. The music does not seem all that great , not Rahman level , except ' Barso re Megha Megha ' which is pretty catchy.

Worth a watch , if you are jobless .

My present state

I am an old man , sitting on a rocking chair , slowly swaying,
back and forth , back and forth ,
not thinking , not wanting to think,
not talking , not wanting to talk,
the only conscious movement being the effort
to keep the chair in motion .

One day , some day , I will be liberated,
Then , I will get up and realize,
I have been wasting
my f*****g time.